Lady Adventure

Ray Winstone to Play William Blake

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Sure, why not?

( I've got an idea for a movie, too! )

Thanks to a chance remark from mea soror, we went on an impromptu web quest to decipher THE SAGA OF PERCY SHELLEY'S HEART. Somehow, I am not surprised that of all the literary movements, it's the Romantics who end up playing Hot Potato with dead people's organs.

Time Magazine, 1933:

Romantic to the end was the heart of Poet Percy Bysshe Shelley, who drowned in the Gulf of Spezia in 1822. Italian sanitary laws then required the immediate cremation of a drowned corpse. Those who disposed of Shelley's corpse were Poet Leigh Hunt (who wrote a nerve-wracking description of the event), Poet George Gordon Lord Byron, and Adventurer Edward John Trelawny. As Shelley's incinerating ribs fell apart on their pyre of driftwood, adventurous Trelawny, a lion of a man, thrust in his brawny arm, snatched out the simmering heart. Cried Lord Byron: "Don't repeat this with me. Let my carcass rot where it falls!"

1) KALI MAAAAAAAAA
2) What are the qualifications for listing your profession as 'Adventurer'?
3) When Byron gets weirded out, you've crossed a line.

IT GETS BETTER.

NYTimes, 1995:

After Shelley's death by drowning, his body was cremated in the presence of his friends Edward Trelawny and Leigh Hunt. Strangely, Shelley's heart did not burn and was retrieved from the fire by Trelawny, who gave the heart to Hunt, who ultimately gave it to Shelley's wife, Mary. The heart was finally buried in 1889, 67 years after Shelley's death, with the body of his son Sir Percy Florence Shelley. In a 1955 article in The Journal of the History of Medicine, Arthur Norman suggested that Shelley may have suffered from "a progressively calcifying heart . . . which indeed would have resisted cremation as readily as a skull, a jaw or fragments of bone."

HIS HEART WAS POSSIBLY MADE OF STOOOOOOONE! WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. Because as one can imagine, once you have the slightly charred and potentially petrified heart of a guy like Shelley, you're not gonna want to give that up. According to some dude on the Internet, once Trelawny the Adventurer desecrated his buddy's corpse, "...there than followed an unseemly tussle between Mary Shelley and Leigh Hunt, who had acquired the heart. Mary finally obtained custody. She secreted the heart in a copy of "Adonais", which she kept under her pillow."

1) Ewwwwwww
2) Yes, she's the one who wrote Frankenstein. (Years before this, incidentally.)

Of course, she might not have ACTUALLY kept it under her pillow; it's possible she just "carried it with her in a silken shroud everywhere she went for the rest of her life" (someone else on the internet). As one does.

In conclusion: WTF.

All hail the mighty zombie arm of Horatio Nelson!

Dude, why would you replace the coolest license plates ever? Heh.

ETA: I also love the extreme paranoia of "20 internet acronyms all parents should know". My favorite is NIFOC, because my first thought was "Dude, you wouldn't have to read your teenager's IM conversations to figure that one out!"

Well, ASE is over. Surprisingly enough, all my belongings still fit into one suitcase, one duffel, and one backpack, currently stored at the YMCA which actually has a pretty decent hostel. Yesterday, I spent the afternoon with Katie and her mom, watching the FA cup at a pub (and PS: Man U's passing game SUCKS OUT LOUD. They totally deserved to lose after that performance), but the rest of the time I've spent wandering around. Currently, I'm in Cafe Nero, paying an arm and a leg for internet, but at least I get it until tomorrow. This would be much more pleasant if I didn't feel so ill. Stupid cramps.

...why is my brother watching 13 Going On 30 of his own volition?

So, it turns out there's nothing like driving to work in the morning listening to reports of renegade school buses on the radio, then pulling into the parking lot of the high school where you are gainfully employed and attempting to park in your spot right next to the bus lane. It's almost as much fun as staying up until 2:30 AM to write a story about zombies rampaging through a house, and then having to go upstairs in the dark alone. Yup.

I got a new phone yesterday! It is shiny and black and flippy and basically the same size as my old phone, which entertains me somewhat, as that one is 3 years, 6 months, and... 7 days old. It was retro! Hopefully this one will last as long.

I celebrated MLK day by hanging out with the lovely Laura. She was intrigued by SPooN, so we watched an episode, but she concluded that such a show was too much for her nerves, alas. I think she and Katherine should start a Facebook group entitled "I don't actually watch Supernatural but I've heard that it's awesome." You can be SPooN groupies! Dooooooo iiiiiiiiiiiit. Anyways, then we watched Sharpe's Rifles because Sean Bean is the awesome. "Chosen men, eh? Well, I didn't choose you." Possibly the best part of owning a Sharpe movie on DVD is that I get the awesome introduction. "I don't know where he is now, but he'll always be in my heart." Genius.

Speaking of SPooN, I had a dream last night where Ash was playing the guitar for a small adorable child. ????? Then I had to save the world from some deadly spore released by a disgruntled employee. There also might have been a part that was like a cross between "Heroes" and Harry Potter. Possibly I am watching too much television.

In conclusion, I think I am going to visit school next week! I'll probably get there on Monday and stay until Thursday, when my dad will pick me up and also bring down the refrigerator. Huzzah! Meera, if you are still alive, when are you coming down? Cause you should do that. And also not be dead.

Zombie dinosaurs are yet another thing I would like to appear on SPooN. However, given the fact that they apparently didn't have a big enough budget to show a human zombie army larger than nine, I suspect this will happen approximately never.

Actually, dinosaurs of any type would be awesome.

In other news, I have determined that should the school turn into a pirate ship (á la "The Crimson Permanent Assurance"), or encounter any other type of situation requiring makeshift weaponry, the blade from the paper slicer would make a totally badass saber. It's already got a handle and everything.

Quote o' the Day

According to a carefully handwritten and photocopied public service announcement found in my dad's mailbox today...

"Groups of young adults and older adults were instructed in PSU educational and athletic facilities to be occult theatrical performers, to use illegal psychotronic sensing technology, to perform magic, and to teach mind control, witchcraft and the occult sciences."

Why doesn't WM offer courses in the occult sciences? Seriously.

This might be the best letter ever. It's even got a ridiculous number of words underlined for emphasis. Crazy people are funny.

So, my attempts to accomplish lots of work this weekend were thwarted AGAIN. Saturday was to be devoted to finishing my Generative Syntax (or Degenerative Syntax, if you're Katherine) problem set, which I had already started, and to work on my oral presentation on severed heads for Early Celtic Narrative. However, this did not work because it took me 5 HOURS to finish my problem set. 5 HOURS. AND I HAD STARTED IT. AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO TYPE UP THE EXTRA CREDIT PROBLEM WHICH I HAD ALREADY DONE. This makes me very sad. Also, I better get a good grade, because seriously? 5 HOURS.

Yesterday I didn't do very much work because I went to Grand Illumination with Laura and Katherine and Alice. I have decided that you're not close enough to the fireworks unless pieces of ash fall on you and you smell like sulfur afterwards*. Then we went to the Wesley house for soup and sandwiches, and I stayed far too long singing Christmas carols with Meera and Murph and Alice on the piano. Then I came back and lamented how I got no work done.

I did go bowling on Friday with Women's Chorus. I broke a hundred and won the first game! Then I got a 69, which was bad but at least made me laugh.

My Schedule for Your Pitying Pleasure:
Tuesday: Handbells Concert
Wednesday: Oral Presentation on The Cult of the Severed Head
Thursday: Developmental Psychology Journal and accompanying paper due
Friday: Old English project due.

In conclusion, this reminds me of Natasha, and BSG Fight Club was AWESOME in a SPooNish way.

* I kept hoping Sam and Dean would show up to exorcise me, but alas, this did not occur

Whilst researching for my psych paper, I came across the U.S. Embassy's guidelines for driving in Ankara, Turkey. Some excerpts:

- Drive defensively, defensively, defensively
- Expect the unexpected.
- Drive each day as though you were on a mission, the goal of which is not to be involved in an accident, cause an accident, or strike a pedestrian.
- Watch out for trucks and buses that take the right-of-way without signaling, whether they are entitled to it or not.
- Assume nothing. Make no assumptions about what another driver may do or how they will react in a situation.
- If confronted by another driver, stay in your car, lock the doors, and use your cell phone to call the police.

Common hazards in Turkey:
- Pedestrians walking or running in front of vehicles to cross streets and main highways, oblivious to oncoming traffic.
- Inattentive drivers.
- Unskilled drivers.
- Vehicles with faulty brakes.
- Unlit tractors, horsecarts and farm vehicles traveling on highways at slow speed.
- In the countryside accidents, breakdowns, and road work areas marked by stones rather than warning signs.
- Vehicles reversing on exit ramps and on main highways.
- In the countryside, herds of sheep, goats and other animals on roads.
- Driving in the middle of the road and not yielding.
- Dangerous or destructive potholes.

Here's a taxi safety tip: Always ride in the rear of a taxi, never in the front. In the event of an accident, the risk of serious injury is generally reduced by more than 50% for those in the back.

I'd say never go driving in Turkey, but apparently the pedestrians have an incredibly high accident rate as well.