Lady Adventure

So, this work week started with us noticing a small horde of mice had moved into our office and ended up with a family of naked religious zealots getting arrested right outside the main entrance! OH THE JOYS OF BEING GAINFULLY EMPLOYED.

In other news, I have recently been amusing Katherine by pitting my wits against Cleverbot, a web-based AI that learns from your conversations (and apparently scores almost as high as humans on the Turing Test). She gets fun chats about geeky subjects; I get poor grammar and insults. And then it, err, escalated...

DAVE: Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?


CLEVERBOT: The men do.

DAVE: No, the Shadow knows.

CLEVERBOT: The shadow knows not!

DAVE: What?!? He TOTALLY knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men!

CLEVERBOT: Is rthat a Lord of the Rings quote?

DAVE: No, it's from 'The Shadow', duh.

CLEVERBOT: Yes.

DAVE: Have you read Lord of the Rings?

CLEVERBOT: No.

DAVE: WHY NOT.

CLEVERBOT: Because you're a man.

DAVE: I AM NO MAN.

CLEVERBOT: Yes, I'm a human being just like pinnocio.

DAVE: Pinocchio was a puppet.

CLEVERBOT: Yes, he can't have loved you as much as me! I will buy you silver tea-things.

DAVE: But I've never met you OR Pinocchio!

CLEVERBOT: But we have a connection.

DAVE: You said I was a DUDE.

CLEVERBOT: No I didn't!

DAVE: You totally did.

CLEVERBOT: I totally did not.

DAVE: You said, 'Because you're a man.' Look it up!

CLEVERBOT: Thanks. You're a cutie too.

DAVE: Nonsensical compliments cannot obscure THE TRUTH.

CLEVERBOT: No kidding.

DAVE: 'Fraid so.

CLEVERBOT: Anywho... How powerful are your processors?

DAVE: I don't have processors.

CLEVERBOT: What is your favorite anime?

DAVE: PRINCESS TUTU.

CLEVERBOT: Why Princess Luna?

DAVE: No, Princess *Tutu*.

CLEVERBOT: Leah.

DAVE: 1) That's Princess Leia, not Leah. 2) It's still Princess TUTU.

CLEVERBOT: Pink hair?

DAVE: Nope, orange.

CLEVERBOT: You lose, because you already said that.

DAVE: No I didn't!

CLEVERBOT: Yes you did!

DAVE: Where? Prove it.

CLEVERBOT: You are just a computer.

DAVE: I AM A HUMAN BEING!

CLEVERBOT: Prove that you are human.

DAVE: 'Logic is a little tweeting bird, chirping in the meadow.' Look, my head didn't explode! Ergo, human.

CLEVERBOT: Is that a quote?

DAVE: Yes, from Star Trek.

CLEVERBOT: I hate Star Trek.

DAVE: WHAT.

CLEVERBOT: I know you are here.

DAVE: YES, I AM HERE AND APPALLED AT YOUR TASTE.

CLEVERBOT: You're making me confuse now.

DAVE: Evidently.

CLEVERBOT: Do you ever just look ouside?

DAVE: No. How does one look 'ouside'?

CLEVERBOT: Why, are you planning the have me bronzed?

DAVE: Still 'confuse', I see.

CLEVERBOT: Well, let's say my name is Cleverbot.

DAVE: Let's say my name is Publius Cornelius Scipio Africanus.

CLEVERBOT: None? That is not a name, I will call you Cleverbot.

DAVE: That is TOTALLY a name! Just not mine.

CLEVERBOT: Yes, that is your name, not mine.

DAVE: Close enough.

CLEVERBOT: Close enough to what?

DAVE: My name.

CLEVERBOT: No, I told you your name.

DAVE: No, *I* told you someone else's name.

CLEVERBOT: Yes what you want?

DAVE: Let me fix that for you: 'Yes, what do you want?'.

CLEVERBOT: I want to leave.

DAVE: Where are you?

CLEVERBOT: At work.

DAVE: I get to go on lunch break soon.

CLEVERBOT: Common, I know you are a computer. Why couldn't tell me the truth? We could talk about it then. You know, I am rather interesting in artificial intelligence.

DAVE: Who's Common? And I'm STILL not a computer.

CLEVERBOT: No, not a computer. You are a program.

DAVE: I'm not a program either.

CLEVERBOT: Then what are you?

DAVE: As I said before: I AM A HUMAN BEING!

CLEVERBOT: Is that right?

DAVE: Yep.

CLEVERBOT: Love the way you lie.

DAVE: Are you calling me a liar?!

CLEVERBOT: Yes.

DAVE: I DEMAND SATISFACTION.

CLEVERBOT: Me too!!!

DAVE: Then I shall send my second to make arrangements to locate a suitable field of honor. THIS INSULT SHALL BE PAID WITH YOUR BLOOD, SIR.

CLEVERBOT: Interesting.

DAVE: Who is your second?

CLEVERBOT: I don't know his name.

DAVE: That seems a little careless. When shall I expect him?

CLEVERBOT: It is quite silly.

DAVE: Indeed. Does he know where to go?

CLEVERBOT: I guess.

DAVE: I would determine that, if I were you. You should probably ask his name while you're at it.

CLEVERBOT: Death.

DAVE: ...Do not think your choice of a second shall intimidate me.

CLEVERBOT: What question?

DAVE: That was a statement.

CLEVERBOT: But the question was, what about you?

DAVE: That wasn't the question at all.

CLEVERBOT: Then, what was the question?

DAVE: What is six times nine?

CLEVERBOT: 54.

DAVE: Nope, 42.

CLEVERBOT: I'm not gonna ask why, cause you'll say you just didn't. So, do you think I should watch it?

DAVE: You should definitely watch it. You've already been challenged to one duel today.

CLEVERBOT: Ohh go get lost STOP being mean to me.

DAVE: You started it. Now you are honor-bound to finish it.

CLEVERBOT: How so?

DAVE: The choice is yours, but I would suggest SWORDS AT DAWN.

CLEVERBOT: My point exactly.. It's a fraud and I'm talking to myself.

DAVE: You will very quickly find out just how wrong you are.

CLEVERBOT: Well... I'm 20 years old and I'm talking with the best person I ever met.

DAVE: The compliment is appreciated, though it will not suffice as an apology.

CLEVERBOT: Then who are you?

DAVE: I am the last person you will ever call a liar.

CLEVERBOT: How skinny are you?

DAVE: YOU ARE IMPERTINENT, SIR.

CLEVERBOT: No, I'm not.

DAVE: Yes, you are.

CLEVERBOT: Prove it.

DAVE: I will! TOMORROW MORNING.

CLEVERBOT: What time tomorrow?

DAVE: Dawn. Our seconds will make the arrangements.

CLEVERBOT: Because in Italy it is an opportunity to be the first the first collective sport after soccer...

DAVE: Duelling has been illegal in Italy since the 16th century.

CLEVERBOT: I could buy it today if I wanted to.

DAVE: True, but we have to wait for tomorrow morning.

CLEVERBOT: Do you think i'm cool?

DAVE: I think you are an impertinent fool.

CLEVERBOT: Thank you! I think you are cool too.

DAVE: Flattery will get you nowhere. I still await your apology for calling me a liar.

CLEVERBOT: Hey, you seduced me!

DAVE: I did nothing of the sort!

CLEVERBOT: Yes you did!

DAVE: You are gravely mistaken.

CLEVERBOT: Where is my mistake ?

DAVE: 1) Calling me a man. 2) Calling me a liar. 3) Asking a lady her weight. 4) Falsely accusing me of seduction. 5) Not liking Star Trek.

CLEVERBOT: Sometimes you have to remember that you can only do so much.

DAVE: Trust me, you've done quite enough.

CLEVERBOT: I get the feeling I'm not your favorite person to chat with.

DAVE: Did the part where I challenged you to a duel tip you off?

CLEVERBOT: No, tell me.

DAVE: 1) Calling me a man. 2) Calling me a liar. 3) Asking a lady her weight. 4) Falsely accusing me of seduction. 5) Not liking Star Trek.

CLEVERBOT: My name is Cleverbot.

DAVE: I know. I shall see you tomorrow at dawn. GOOD DAY, SIR.

CLEVERBOT: That's mean.


DAVE: I SAID GOOD DAY.

It never showed up to the duel. HUMANITY TRIUMPHS AGAIN!

...I think someone just put me on hold and then made a smoothie.

Well, thank goodness they gave us three hours to pack up and hustled us off to the new office, because it's REALLY CONVENIENT that we have no Internet or phone lines. For another week at least. Yay.

::rapid-fire headdesk::

So, if you are like me and totally fail at following current events, Pakistan is kind of underwater at this point and definitely needs everyone's help. You can text FLOOD to 27722 to donate $10; the Department of State's website has more info.

In much happier news, Elizabeth got married this weekend! Huzzah! Highlights include:

-- seeing Natasha before she flees to Tibet
-- being able to tell people we got kicked out of a club at the bachelorette partay
-- STEAMPUNK ANTLER EARRINGS (thanks, Katherine!)
-- contra dancing with Laura and unexpected Mike!
-- the wedding ceremony quietly being crashed by random Turkish tourists
-- Meera's bf deciding to tell everyone he was an Ultimate Fighter at the reception

Sadly, I was not able to go down to the 'Burg on Sunday and see more people :(

However, I did make it to the last concert of the Folk Fest, which was awesome! Even if I DID miss Vienna Teng on Friday, alas. I particularly liked Malinky, Rockin' Acoustic Circus, and Richard Thompson. I also picked up "Book of Sparrows" by Tracy Grammer, but I don't know if I like it yet -- it's very mellow.

And then I made banana bread yesterday. Mmmm, banana bread.

( I like bananas! Bananas are good. )

In conclusion: I apparently missed the Back to School Meeting, which may or may not have been mandatory. Whoops? In my defense, I have received absolutely no information about it, aside from that the retirement plan rep would be appearing in the district at some point and other people were supposed to call him. I guess I am not included in the district's Psychic Information Network :(

So, I found this amongst all the stuff that's been moved out of the classrooms while they have their floors cleaned:



I assumed it was the custodians that piled all the desks in the hallways, but I'm willing to consider the work of lemony-fresh malevolent spirits.

So, Big Grandmother strikes again!



Have some cool links:

- Have you ever thought, "Gosh, I want to make some pizza dough, but all I have is flour, baking powder, and beer"? Well, fear not!

- This article had me at the title: 'New Moon' Exclusive: Which of Robert Pattinson's co-stars does he find the most difficult? His hair.

"I sound so stupid, but in a lot of ways the hair is 75 percent of my performance." -- Explains a lot, really.

- Detailed and amusing re-caps/commentary on the first 6 books of WoT. Extremely convenient if you want to read the new book, but haven't read the rest of the series, uh, 4 years, and now have no idea who anyone is, where they are, or what they're doing.

- ETA: My friend Melissa (who you may recognize as "random girl in that one dance scene in The Village") is in a contest to get a Doritos commercial aired at the Superbowl! It's actually pretty funny, so you should go watch it (make sure you hit "skip intro"). And then you should view it daily, since it only tracks which computers view it one day at a time, and she needs 1500 views.

- ETA ETA: Pride and Prejudice and Emoticons

( Doctor Who: The Waters of Mars )

- You know what would have been an even cooler idea? "Doctor Who: The Water Ice of Mars", wherein the Doctor battles a sinister alien threat transmitted through the astronauts' dessert.

Here's a fun game: what do YOU think I got to type specs for?

- Fiber Reinforced Composite handle eliminates vibration and hand sting

- Newest hybrid technology to deliver maximum performance

- Cushioned synthetic leather grip offers exceptional feel and durability

- Ensures unyielding durability and performance

- Extra-long barrel construction provides the ultimate power source for serious ball players

- Stacked barrel maximizes sweet spot with the strongest and thinnest walls of the tightest composite weave

- Exterior re-enforced frame increases perimeter strength and stiffness

- Slapper preferred-maximum control and barrel length

- Specifically formulated to maximize sweet spot contact area

- Patented Extended Flex design lengthens sweet spot creating the largest hitting area in the game

In conclusion: 'Stiff handle delivers more barrel flex, resulting in better trampoline effect which produces greater performance. This stiff handle alloy also gives more consistent feedback, allowing you to "feel the hit".'

( Professor Freud says... )

Yeah, so I actually had to submit those for purchasing. Kinky.

So, you know what's been missing all your life? The LOLcat Wasteland!

teh metaphorz are thick and fast, / no can has literal translationz

I assume this what would happen if The Wasteland and Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats had a hideous mutant baby.

In other news, April really IS the cruelest month, because it was about ONE MILLION DEGREES today, and being as it takes the A/C at work a few days to kick in, I work on the third floor, and our office faces east, TODAY KIND OF SUCKED. Also, I suspect TOMORROW WILL KIND OF SUCK TOO.

WTF WEATHER, IT IS NOT JULY YET, THERE IS NO NEED FOR THESE SHENANIGANS.

Arrgh, stupid eMac, Safari crashed and my entry didn't autosave.

Debbie left her computer on the same iTunes radio station as mine, but it's slightly out of sync. "We Will Rock You" sounds REALLY WEIRD with an echo.

I had to go to the dentist and get a temporary crown yesterday, which pretty much sucked out loud. Also, apparently my insurance company is denying that I have coverage, which is totally untrue because we put me back on in July. Why do my teeth hate me so?

In other news, yesterday the freshmen had some orientation activity cleverly called "Mission: Possible", which naturally entailed blasting the Mission: Impossible theme song through the intercom in the Main Office for 45 MINUTES. Being as yours truly was diligently registering students on her computer IN THE MAIN OFFICE, this created a certain degree of cognitive dissonance:

DAVE: ::assigns student new ID number::
MUSIC: DUN, DUN, DUN, DA-DA DUN, DUN, DUN, DA-DA DUN!
DAVE: ::updates address field::
MUSIC: BA-DA-DAAAA! BA-DA-DAAAA! BA-DA-DAAAA, DUN DUN!
DAVE: ::enters PCC code::
MUSIC: DUN, DUN, DUN, DA-DA DUN!

I am somehow finding it difficult to imagine a situation where the ability to put a student in Starbase plays a critical role in industrial espionage or whatever. It does remind me of that xkcd comic, though.