Lady Adventure

I'm pretty sure I just used the same subject line joke in two consecutive entries, but this fall has sucked hardcore, so I'm just gonna roll with it.

It's the Return of the Revenge of Sparklerita Night, featuring The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2: Electric Boogaloo, the colon-filled finale to one of the sparkliest chapters in our nation's history, and an emergency substitution of rum for margaritas. This movie is 50% exposition, 30% credit sequences, 10% unexpected decapitastic finale, 5% I don't know why Lee Pace is dressed like Aragorn but I approve, and 5% the world is doomed, for awkward staring is now a superpower and Bella Swan will conquer us all.

It is also 100% OVER.

Sparklerita Night returns! Twilight 3: Twihard with a Vengeance is: 35% the werewolves still haven't met a shirtless scene they didn't like, hurrah; 25% no amount of fight scenes can improve this movie; 20% especially not since the special effects may be qualitatively better, but exploding marble vampires will never not look stupid; 10% also the superspeed looks WORSE, do you really want to taunt all those people with "Yakkity Sax" clips (again)?; 5% unleash the Matching Vampire Denim of WAR!; 4% Jackson Rathbone's hair and accent actually made me appreciate his performance in Failbender, send help; and 1% lampshading FTW ("Doesn't he own a shirt?").

"It is clear to the Nut that magicism has been spreading in Upper Derby. It is quite a common occurrence to see graffiti against witches in the stalls of the girl's bathroom, and it has become even more common to throw garlic at the vampire children in the Kindergarten Center. This incident occurred so frequently to one vampire child, that her parents, Edward and Bella Cullen, withdrew their daughter from school. Bella Cullen said to the Nut, "This is ridiculous, honestly! She's not even a vampire! She's a hybrid between a vampire and a human! Seriously, everyone is just really jealous of my beautiful baby and her super-long name!" Edward Cullen followed this statement with, "Help me! Please, get me away from that woman!"

-- "Magic Must Defeat Magicism", The Nut, April 1, 2010

So, Big Grandmother strikes again!



Have some cool links:

- Have you ever thought, "Gosh, I want to make some pizza dough, but all I have is flour, baking powder, and beer"? Well, fear not!

- This article had me at the title: 'New Moon' Exclusive: Which of Robert Pattinson's co-stars does he find the most difficult? His hair.

"I sound so stupid, but in a lot of ways the hair is 75 percent of my performance." -- Explains a lot, really.

- Detailed and amusing re-caps/commentary on the first 6 books of WoT. Extremely convenient if you want to read the new book, but haven't read the rest of the series, uh, 4 years, and now have no idea who anyone is, where they are, or what they're doing.

- ETA: My friend Melissa (who you may recognize as "random girl in that one dance scene in The Village") is in a contest to get a Doritos commercial aired at the Superbowl! It's actually pretty funny, so you should go watch it (make sure you hit "skip intro"). And then you should view it daily, since it only tracks which computers view it one day at a time, and she needs 1500 views.

- ETA ETA: Pride and Prejudice and Emoticons

( Doctor Who: The Waters of Mars )

- You know what would have been an even cooler idea? "Doctor Who: The Water Ice of Mars", wherein the Doctor battles a sinister alien threat transmitted through the astronauts' dessert.

Either Rob Pattinson has just sarcasmed like he's never sarcasmed before, or he's gone totally off the deep end: Well, I guess Twilight could totally bring it for Best Sound Editing...

In other news, I have a cold. Blech. On the plus side, I also have paid sick days! Woohoo.

Heeeeeeeeeeee.

So, we had exciting adventures of FAIL last night.

First we went to see The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, although we lost Mallory to unknown and possibly sinister events happening to Trevor's car. We got to see the new Harry Potter trailer, which was awesome, especially when Laura and I cracked up at the exact same part, which you can now behold in its full glory because Laura wins at life!



( Spoilers will come on swift wings to whosoever clicks on this link )

Anyways, after the movie, we went to the B&N in Main Street to hang out since it was the only place open after 9. Except that apparently, Stephanie Meyer's new Twilight book came out, and there was a release party. The smart thing would have been to call it a loss, but since we willing went to see The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor clearly this solution was not for us, so we hung out with the preteens and housewives and made bloodless origami (?) and charm bracelets and read books that were definitely not Twilight. We did, however, get to stay there extra long, since the store was open past midnight.

In conclusion: We are made of win, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor is made of FAIL, and I am highly dubious of a book series whose primary audience is teenage girls and their mothers.

I am done writing papers!!!!!

And there was much rejoicing.

Also, I finished reading Dracula! It's actually pretty good, so I would recommend it to the curious. However, I did notice an interesting phenomenon at the end, when our intrepid heroes are preparing to follow the "great Un-Dead" back to his lair:

"I propose that we add Winchesters to our armament. I have a kind of belief in a Winchester when there is any trouble of that sort around" (324)

"I have brought some Winchesters; they are pretty handy in a crowd" (354)

"By this time the gipsies, seeing themselves covered by the Winchesters, and at the mercy of Lord Godalming and Dr Seward, had given in and made no further resistance" (376)

I think we can deduce the REAL reason as to why Dracula was defeated.

In conclusion, I had NO IDEA there was a recent adaptation of Dracula, that won OSCARS, was directed by Francis Ford Coppola, and starred Sirius Black, Hannibal Lector, Neo, the Dread Pirate Roberts, and the Scarlet Pimpernel. Oh, and Winona Ryder. I think I might need to see this.