Star Trek!
Jun. 12th, 2009 10:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadydaveSo, I've been watching Star Trek TOS, which I haven't seen since I was wee. Have some episode summaries and reactions (mainly gacked from my emails to Courtney, because I am lazy)!
The Man Trap
Things go badly with McCoy's ex.
- My mom walked in, watched about three seconds of this episode, and went "This is the one with the salt monster!" And indeed it is.
- Very first occurrence of "He's dead, Jim", though dead dude in question is shockingly not a red shirt.
- I think Yeoman Rand's hair may be an actual beehive.
- Sulu is awesome, and grows talking plants in his quarters.
Charlie X
Kirk gives psychic kid, who can manipulate reality itself, the talk, gets slapped on the ass, and wears tiny red tights. Also, Yeoman Rand is awesome about standing up to sexual harassment in the workplace.
Where No Man Has Gone Before
Even though this is the third episode, it's the second pilot -- the first one with Kirk as opposed to Pike -- and it has random guest-stars of awesome. I never thought I'd see Frank Poole vs. Hot Lips Houlihan in a psychic fight. Which Kirk brings a gun to. He's just not very good with people who have the ability to bend reality itself to their will.
Also, all the women were wearing pants. Combined with everyone's oddly colored, ill-fitting velvet sweaters, I suspect it was laundry day on the Enterprise. (I also suspect that Kirk's frequent wardrobe malfunctions are caused by his inability wash his shirts in the right temperature water, and that he subsequently took out the entire ship's supply of women's pants with a badly-timed bottle of bleach.)
The Naked Time
The Enterprise must have the weirdest reports EVER. Everyone else is submitting things like "encountered meteor storm on relief mission to colony" while Kirk is submitting overtime requests since they accidentally went back in time 3 days after contracting space crazy and escaping an imploding planet.
- Sulu is kind of my favorite now. He's secretly an 18th-century swashbuckler at heart! Made of win.
- "George Takei loved his sword-fighting scene so much he held onto the rapier for several hours, poking stage hands with it and engaging in mock duels off the set." -- IMDB
The Enemy Within
A Kirk divided must fall, or at least, indulge in frequent ACTING!
- Evil!Kirk is hilarious. Also, non-evil!Kirk apparently keeps concealer on his vanity, WTF.
- Sulu continues to win at life:
::Sulu and the landing party are stuck on the fake snow quarry planet until they figure out how to keep the transporters from creating evil clones::
SULU: Can you give us a status report, Captain? Temperature's still dropping. Now 41 degrees below zero.
KIRK: We've located the trouble. It shouldn't be much longer.
SULU: You think you might be able to find a long rope somewhere and lower us down a pot of hot coffee?
::later....::
SULU: I think we should give room service another call. That coffee's taking too long.
Mudd's Women
Mudd and his illegally transported mail-order brides get stuck on the Enterprise. Hilarity ensues.
- Epic gender FAIL!
- Taking pills to make you beautiful conveniently does your hair and makeup as well.
What are Little Girls Made Of?
Nurse Chapel and her hair discover her fiance is tampering in God's domain.
- First red shirt casualty!
- Kirk gives a robot a fatal identity crisis on account of being smexxy.
Ultimate match-up: Kirk vs. Cylons.
Miri
Kirk totally hits on a teenager (ewwwwww) while exploring the planet of the ridiculously old-looking children with the plaaaaaaague.
- I like how they found a DUPLICATE EARTH and then were like "Huh, well, let's move on with the plot!" and it NEVER GETS EXPLAINED. I suspect Arthur Dent may have been involved.
Dagger of the Mind
Mind-control is not a viable technique for rehabilitating prisoners.
My sister and I were fairly impressed with Dr. Helen Noel, who apparently did something so traumatizing to Kirk at the ship's Christmas party that he was unable to hit on her until he was mind-wiped into thinking they were in love (my vote was on her dousing him in punch). Also, she gets to crawl through air-vents and uses her useless-60s-female-fighting-facade to totally fry a bad guy. Awesome.
The Corbomite Maneuver
Everyone gets attacked by a giant Rubik's cube, piloted by a fake looking puppet (who, in a shocking turn of events, actually IS a fake-looking puppet).
The Menagerie, Parts I and II
Spock hijacks the ship so he can make everyone watch the pilot episode.
- This episode won a Hugo! Which is cool, because it's kind of awesome.
- Favorite bad taste Captain Pike joke: "I have to push the pram a lot!"
The Conscience of the King
ACTING! Oh, and Kirk suspects that a Shakespearean actor is actually someone wanted for war crimes, and is trying to kill off the last people who can identify him, both of whom are conveniently on the Enterprise. Naturally, Kirk invites him aboard ::facepalm:: Cunning and devious assassination attempts ensue, by which I mean someone tries to poison Riley's milk with a plant-mister, and an exploding phaser that can wipe out an entire deck is defeated by tossing it down the garbage chute. Much Shakespeare is quoted.
- It was a cool concept for an episode, the execution was just a little... off... by a lot.
- I spent the entire time going "Aren't there any authorities to turn him over to? Why does Kirk have to make the decision to enact justice on a war criminal?" I'm sure there are situations where this is justified, since they do spend a lot of their time exploring uncharted territory. However, since there's a troupe of Shakespearean actors, I don't think they're exactly on the edge of civilization where Kirk is the highest authority.
- Kirk fails at being surreptitious:
SPOCK: The Captain is acting WEIRD, Bones, WTF?
MCCOY: SHUT UP SPOCK I'M TRYING TO DRINK.
- It is kind of hilarious to watch Spock tossing around the contents of Kirk's underwear drawer looking for an overheating phaser.
Balance of Terror
Submarine movie IN SPACE!
- Loved the Romulans' tweed shorts and shiny Roman crash helmets.
- Spock's surprise at seeing the Romulan captain is more entertaining when you know that the same actor plays his dad.
- New movie Romulans not Roman-y and awesome enough.
Shore Leave
They visit the planet of incarnating whatever you're thinking about. Hilarity ensues.
- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS EPISODE WINS AT LIFE.
- I laughed for like ten minutes when Kirk gets a back-rub and he assumes that it's SPOCK and not the attractive yeoman he was JUST TALKING TO.
- First major Kirk shirt wardrobe malfunction! Caused by getting beaten up by a PSYCHOTIC IRISH UPPERCLASSMEN with MATCHING PSYCHOTIC THEME MUSIC.
- Also, McCoy + Alice in Wonderland! And cabaret girls!
- And Sulu apparently wanders around thinking about guns and samurai!
- BEST EP EVAR.
The Galileo Seven
Spock and six other people are marooned when their shuttle, the Galileo, crashes.
- Cool plot, but unconvincing killer cavemen are unconvincing.
- They can't even throw their enormous spears properly, which was even more egregious than their actual FAILy cavemen, because seriously, how hard is it to THROW something?
- Scotty is surprisingly chill in the face of certain death.
- In conclusion: Spock = awesome.
The Squire of Gothos
The crew gets abducted by an alien with the ability to manipulate reality itself. You'd think they'd be better at this by now...
Oh, and hilarity ensues.
Arena
Kirk gets abducted by an alien and is forced to fight the man-lizard.
- Mom once again ID'd this episode with a three-second clip. I come by my geekery honestly.
- I'm not sure which was more entertaining:
1) the grenade launcher ammo being small purple rubber dodgeballs
2) the lightning-quick reflexes of the Gorn
3) Kirk's action booties (considerately, the Sparkly-Poo alien switched Kirk's regular Cuban-heeled boots for flats, more appropriate for running around rocks and dodging styrofoam boulders)
4) the probability that this episode was written after one dude went "Hey, I learned to make gunpowder this weekend!"
5) the Metrone's commitment to Sparkle Motion
- For once, Kirk did not lose his shirt, even though he could have.
Tomorrow is Yesterday
They accidentally go back in time and abduct people from the 20th century. Hilarity ensues.
- Kirk BLATANTLY CHECKS OUT the pilot they beam on board. Down, boy.
- I am eternally grateful that everyone does their own stunts on this show, or else we would lose a major source of amusement
- HAHAHA THE SHIP'S COMPUTER HITS ON KIRK.
- Also, Spock saying "It does have the unfortunate tendency to giggle" = BEST THING EVER.
- Actually, this was an awesome Spock episode in general:
::McCoy and Spock are hanging out in the transporter room::
MCCOY: Shouldn't you be working on the calculations?
SPOCK: I am. ::is totally thinking "I can kill you with my brain::
- Yay, Kirk and Sulu away team!
- Although Sulu has this weird thing where a random lock of hair flops in his face and it's VERY ANNOYING. He does make up for it a bit with KUNG FU ACTION, however.
- I love how they return to the future using the Superman method of "flying really fast in the opposite direction"
- Because their time travel makes no sense.
- Did I mention their time travel makes NO SENSE?
- SERIOUSLY, NONE AT ALL
Court Martial
Kirk gets -- surprise! -- court-martialed.
- Was impressed that Kirk's ladyfriend was an actually competent lawyer (well, for TV: handwavey court procedures are handwavey!)
- AND she got to wear a decent-length skirt!
- Also, the end of the episode should have gone something like this:
SHAW: So, will it bother your crew if we make out on the bridge?
KIRK: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA -- Oh, you were serious.
- Kirk lost another shirt, as well. It's a lot funnier when he's fighting another Starfleet officer, because THEY never lose their shirts.
- In conclusion: as 60s as TOS can be, their casting is REALLY progressive in many respects (in this episode, the Enterprise's Personnel Officer is Asian, Chinese I think, and the Admiral carrying the inquiry was black). Most shows on TV are still nowhere near as good as casting diversely. (Not to mention certain movies ::glares at Failbender::)
Return of the Archons
They discover Victorian Borg-like people, and Kirk gives a computer an identity crisis
Space Seed
AKA Star Trek Origins: KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!
They unfreeze a guy who tried to TAKE OVER THE WORLD, and everyone is shocked when he tries to TAKE OVER THE SHIP.
- This episode is full of gender FAIL with McIvers, the historian who falls in love with Khan. On the other hand, her name sounds like MacGyver, which is kind of awesome.
KIRK: MacGyver, you were totally zoning out over there when we were unfreezing Khan, WTF.
MACGYVER: I'm sorry, Captain. He's so historical! It just makes me want to scream his name really loud.
KIRK: Oh, well, that's perfectly natural.
- They couldn't find ANY Indian actors to play Khan? Because Ricardo Montalban's accent is kind of a giveaway.
- So, remember the time Khan took over the world in 1992?
- I love his jerky tai-chi Khan Fu.
- Everyone is randomly badass in this episode! McCoy getting choked by Khan and threatened by a scalpel: "It would be most effective if you would cut the carotid artery, just under the left ear." MADE OF WIN.
- Just a thought: maybe they should NOT let people read all about their ship's schematics so they can figure out how to exploit its weaknesses. I mean, they can list SOME of the ship's schematics, like where the bathrooms and bowling alleys are. But when people then proceed to TAKE OVER THE SHIP with the info YOU have given them, you're possibly giving them a little too much. You know. Just a bit.
- Kirk is all pissy when Khan's like "Wow, I would have thought you guys would be way more manly by now."
- This does not impede anyone's man crush, however:
KIRK: Khan is a result of genetic engineering in the late 20th century. He's like Superman!
MCCOY: He almost took over the world! Isn't that awesome?
SPOCK: ...No.
MCCOY: Oh, Spock, your silly Vulcan mind can't handle the awesomeness of world domination by a superman.
KIRK: ::dreamily:: Superman...
SPOCK: With all due respect, you are all RETARDED.
- MacGyver/Khan = FAIL. This bears frequent repeating. He totally abuses her and it's squicky and arrgh.
- However, she did allow him to express his secret desire to be a hair stylist... revealing her UNDERLYING MULLET. Because she's MACGYVER.
- Hitting Uhura is NOT COOL.
- Kirk + decompression chamber = ACTING!
- MacGyver FINALLY gets a bit awesome towards the end. She walks out while they're trying to decompress Kirk, and then the video screen goes out, so I assume she short-circuited it with a hairpin and a rubber band. And THEN she hyposprays a baddie, presumably with some wire, duct tape, a banana, and some salt, and pulls Kirk out of decompression chamber.
- I also loved the scene right after, where another baddie is going to decompress Spock. Who calmly notices Kirk hiding behind the wall, and Vulcan nerve-pinches the bad guy after Kirk takes out his gun with the Kirk spaz-chop. Totally badass.
- Also badass (and hilarious): Scotty randomly punching out a guard and then running away when Kirk and Spock flood the place with neural gas.
- Kirk's stunt double is REALLY OBVIOUS in his fight scene with Khan. Loved the flying kick, though.
- The ending is full of FAIL:
KIRK: So, I know you tried to take over the ship and kill me and my crew, but really, no hard feelings! Here, have your own planet.
SPOCK: ::facepalm::
KIRK: And MacGyver, you can either get court-martialed, or go live with the megalomaniacal but undeniably sexy superman.
MACGUYVER: Take me now, you manly piece of rich Corinthian leather!
ME: ::facepalm::
- Spock really needed to spend Wrath of Khan going "I TOLD YOU SO."
- In conclusion: KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!!
A Taste of Armageddon
They discover the Planet of People Too Dumb to Live, where their re-enactment of War Games has gotten way out of hand.
- Seriously, these people are TOO DUMB TO LIVE. They fight a computer war for 500 years and disintegrate the casualties! Why couldn't they have just switched to a purely theoretical war using the same computers? DUMB.
- Also, somebody needs to tell these people that tights are not pants. And that their togas/one legged jumpers are RETARDED LOOKING
- Diplomat dude is extremely annoying. I also love how they leave his PA randomly crumpled up in a hall after he gets hit by a disrupter.
- Scotty is made of win: "The best diplomat I know is a fully-loaded phaser bank!"
- Double-take quote of the evening:
SPOCK: Yeoman Tamara, you are to guard this woman and keep her from immolating herself. Knock her down and sit on her if you have to.
- In-context homoerotic theater presents...
SPOCK: Captain... you almost make me believe in luck.
KIRK: Why, Mr. Spock, you almost make me believe in miracles.
- In conclusion: TOO DUMB TO LIVE
This Side of Paradise
They discover the Planet of the Lotus Eaters. Hilarity ensues.
- Why do they keep insisting that all these planets don't have insect life? How do all the plants pollinate?
- The dudes on this planet have the ugliest jump-suits ever.
- I'm impressed that SPOCK managed to get a past-love interest. Although I don't know why she's so surprised at him being unemotional and Vulcany. Maybe she just stalked him a lot? And didn't pay attention?
LEILA: ::vaseline camera filter, tinkling chimes o' sexy:: Spock!
SPOCK: ...
LEILA: You got me on my knees!
SPOCK: ...
LEILA: I'm beggin' darlin' please!
SPOCK: ...
LEILA: Darlin', won't you ease my weary mind?
SPOCK: ...
- Leila looks remarkably like Mary Winchester.
- How much do I love plants that, uh, "explode" white confetti? A LOT.
- This is your crew. This is your crew on spores from sneezing plants.
- I texted Elizabeth about this one, and she replied "Is this the episode with the weird plant?" and then "After I sent that, I immediately thought, WHICH episode with the weird plant?"
KIRK: Report back to me at the settlement in ten minutes. We're evacuating all colonists to Starbase 27.
SPOCK: No, I don't think so.
KIRK: You -- don't -- think -- so -- what?
SPOCK: I don't think so, SIR.
- Kirk's WTF face at happy emotional Spock = PRICELESS
- SPOCK. FROLICKING IN A TREE. THAT IS ALL.
- McCoy gets a lot Southern-er when he's under the influence. Also, MINT JULEP LOL
- Kirk got ambushed BY A POTTED PLANT.
- A POTTED PLANT. THAT SNEEZED OFFENSIVELY ON HIM. HOW DID A *PLANT* SNEAK UP ON HIM?
- Kirk shakes off influence of spores; ACTING! ensues.
- In-context homoerotic theater presents:
KIRK: Mr. Spock is much stronger than the ordinary human being. Aroused, his great physical strength could kill.
- Kirk tries to make Spock mad, and felivers the most WTF insults ever:
"You're an overgrown jack-rabbit, an elf with a hyperactive thyroid!"
"What can you expect from a simpering, devil-eared freak, whose father was ahamster computer and whose mother smelt of elderberries was an encyclopedia?" (Thanks, Laura!)
"Does she know what she's getting, Spock? A carcass full of memory banks who should be squatting in a mushroom instead of passing himself off as a man?" (WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?)
- Also, he's really MEAN:
KIRK: You're a traitor from a race of traitors. Disloyal to the core, rotten like the rest of your subhuman race, and you've got the gall to make love to that girl!
1) pre-emptive movie call-back!
2) Either Kirk is using awkward archaisms or I just got a WHOLE LOAD OF TMI
- Out-of-context homoerotic theater presents:
KIRK: I'll tell you something - it's not every First Officer that gets to belt his Captain... several times.
- I find it unlikely that McCoy would throw away his mint julep even he WAS no longer under the influence of spores. That's good alcohol going to waste!
- Don't cry, emo Vulcan:
SPOCK: I have little to say about it, Captain, except that for the first time in my life... I was happy.
Amok Time
I don't think I can put it better than TV Guide did: "Mr. Spock succumbs to a powerful mating urge and nearly kills Captain Kirk."
- I know this isn't the next episode, but mea soror needed moral support to watch it.
- I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED. BEST HOUR OF TV EVAR.
- Kirk's going to have to bring Spock up on charges of second-degree soup-hurling < /mst3k >
- It's Chekov! With really unfortunate hair!
- I don't know what's better: Spock's awkward attempt to explain Vulcan... biology, or Kirk's immediate assumption that biology = sex.
- Bonus Spock response: "But the birds and the bees are not Vulcan, Captain."
- Vulcans really like shiny things, apparently. Lamé is their fabric of choice.
- Really, REALLY like shiny things. Even their planet is sparkly.
- Also, the guards are totally wearing Romulan helmets, which is a nice callback, even if they only did it to recycle costumes.
- "T'Pau" sounds like a Batman Action Bubble. Bam! Tapow!
- Re: T'Pau
KIRK: She's like all of Vulcan in one package.
- You'd think by this time Kirk would have enough sense to ask whether or not it's a contest to the death BEFORE he agrees to fight in it.
- VULCAN CEREMONIAL JINGLE BELLS OF DOOM.
- Even better, THE TINTINNABULATION OF THE VULCANS takes the place of the normal ominous timpani and/or dun dun DUN stingers:
SPOCK: ::cuts Kirk's shirt with ceremonial shovel::
BELLS: ::JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE::
KIRK: ::gets tangled in ceremonial ace bandage::
BELLS: ::JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE::
SPOCK: ::totally chokes a bitch -- hey, that's familiar::
MCCOY: He's dead, me.
BELLS: ::JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE::
- Also, traditional Vulcan weapons are, apparently, a shovel and an ace bandage. That are shiny.
- Not only does Kirk have a wardrobe malfunction, we get bonus heaving bosoms!
- Man, Spock's fiancee? Is a BITCH.
- Don't cry, Emo Vulcan:
T'PAU: Live long and prosper.
SPOCK: I shall do neither. I have killed my captain, and my friend.
- Did Spock actually just say his urge to mate went away during his fight with Kirk? Yes, he did. (So THAT'S what they're calling it these days...)
- Aww, smiley!Spock! The scene where he finds out Kirk isn't dead is kind of adorable.
- And then Kirk and McCoy start making fun of him for showing an emotion, heee.
- And finally, some gender FAIL:
SPOCK: I'm sorry I spazzed out at you.
CHAPEL: I'm just really glad you're not engaged anymore.
SPOCK: Now make me some soup, woman!
More may or may not be forthcoming.
The Man Trap
Things go badly with McCoy's ex.
- My mom walked in, watched about three seconds of this episode, and went "This is the one with the salt monster!" And indeed it is.
- Very first occurrence of "He's dead, Jim", though dead dude in question is shockingly not a red shirt.
- I think Yeoman Rand's hair may be an actual beehive.
- Sulu is awesome, and grows talking plants in his quarters.
Charlie X
Kirk gives psychic kid, who can manipulate reality itself, the talk, gets slapped on the ass, and wears tiny red tights. Also, Yeoman Rand is awesome about standing up to sexual harassment in the workplace.
Where No Man Has Gone Before
Even though this is the third episode, it's the second pilot -- the first one with Kirk as opposed to Pike -- and it has random guest-stars of awesome. I never thought I'd see Frank Poole vs. Hot Lips Houlihan in a psychic fight. Which Kirk brings a gun to. He's just not very good with people who have the ability to bend reality itself to their will.
Also, all the women were wearing pants. Combined with everyone's oddly colored, ill-fitting velvet sweaters, I suspect it was laundry day on the Enterprise. (I also suspect that Kirk's frequent wardrobe malfunctions are caused by his inability wash his shirts in the right temperature water, and that he subsequently took out the entire ship's supply of women's pants with a badly-timed bottle of bleach.)
The Naked Time
The Enterprise must have the weirdest reports EVER. Everyone else is submitting things like "encountered meteor storm on relief mission to colony" while Kirk is submitting overtime requests since they accidentally went back in time 3 days after contracting space crazy and escaping an imploding planet.
- Sulu is kind of my favorite now. He's secretly an 18th-century swashbuckler at heart! Made of win.
- "George Takei loved his sword-fighting scene so much he held onto the rapier for several hours, poking stage hands with it and engaging in mock duels off the set." -- IMDB
The Enemy Within
A Kirk divided must fall, or at least, indulge in frequent ACTING!
- Evil!Kirk is hilarious. Also, non-evil!Kirk apparently keeps concealer on his vanity, WTF.
- Sulu continues to win at life:
::Sulu and the landing party are stuck on the fake snow quarry planet until they figure out how to keep the transporters from creating evil clones::
SULU: Can you give us a status report, Captain? Temperature's still dropping. Now 41 degrees below zero.
KIRK: We've located the trouble. It shouldn't be much longer.
SULU: You think you might be able to find a long rope somewhere and lower us down a pot of hot coffee?
::later....::
SULU: I think we should give room service another call. That coffee's taking too long.
Mudd's Women
Mudd and his illegally transported mail-order brides get stuck on the Enterprise. Hilarity ensues.
- Epic gender FAIL!
- Taking pills to make you beautiful conveniently does your hair and makeup as well.
What are Little Girls Made Of?
Nurse Chapel and her hair discover her fiance is tampering in God's domain.
- First red shirt casualty!
- Kirk gives a robot a fatal identity crisis on account of being smexxy.
Ultimate match-up: Kirk vs. Cylons.
Miri
Kirk totally hits on a teenager (ewwwwww) while exploring the planet of the ridiculously old-looking children with the plaaaaaaague.
- I like how they found a DUPLICATE EARTH and then were like "Huh, well, let's move on with the plot!" and it NEVER GETS EXPLAINED. I suspect Arthur Dent may have been involved.
Dagger of the Mind
Mind-control is not a viable technique for rehabilitating prisoners.
My sister and I were fairly impressed with Dr. Helen Noel, who apparently did something so traumatizing to Kirk at the ship's Christmas party that he was unable to hit on her until he was mind-wiped into thinking they were in love (my vote was on her dousing him in punch). Also, she gets to crawl through air-vents and uses her useless-60s-female-fighting-facade to totally fry a bad guy. Awesome.
The Corbomite Maneuver
Everyone gets attacked by a giant Rubik's cube, piloted by a fake looking puppet (who, in a shocking turn of events, actually IS a fake-looking puppet).
The Menagerie, Parts I and II
Spock hijacks the ship so he can make everyone watch the pilot episode.
- This episode won a Hugo! Which is cool, because it's kind of awesome.
- Favorite bad taste Captain Pike joke: "I have to push the pram a lot!"
The Conscience of the King
ACTING! Oh, and Kirk suspects that a Shakespearean actor is actually someone wanted for war crimes, and is trying to kill off the last people who can identify him, both of whom are conveniently on the Enterprise. Naturally, Kirk invites him aboard ::facepalm:: Cunning and devious assassination attempts ensue, by which I mean someone tries to poison Riley's milk with a plant-mister, and an exploding phaser that can wipe out an entire deck is defeated by tossing it down the garbage chute. Much Shakespeare is quoted.
- It was a cool concept for an episode, the execution was just a little... off... by a lot.
- I spent the entire time going "Aren't there any authorities to turn him over to? Why does Kirk have to make the decision to enact justice on a war criminal?" I'm sure there are situations where this is justified, since they do spend a lot of their time exploring uncharted territory. However, since there's a troupe of Shakespearean actors, I don't think they're exactly on the edge of civilization where Kirk is the highest authority.
- Kirk fails at being surreptitious:
SPOCK: The Captain is acting WEIRD, Bones, WTF?
MCCOY: SHUT UP SPOCK I'M TRYING TO DRINK.
- It is kind of hilarious to watch Spock tossing around the contents of Kirk's underwear drawer looking for an overheating phaser.
Balance of Terror
Submarine movie IN SPACE!
- Loved the Romulans' tweed shorts and shiny Roman crash helmets.
- Spock's surprise at seeing the Romulan captain is more entertaining when you know that the same actor plays his dad.
- New movie Romulans not Roman-y and awesome enough.
Shore Leave
They visit the planet of incarnating whatever you're thinking about. Hilarity ensues.
- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS EPISODE WINS AT LIFE.
- I laughed for like ten minutes when Kirk gets a back-rub and he assumes that it's SPOCK and not the attractive yeoman he was JUST TALKING TO.
- First major Kirk shirt wardrobe malfunction! Caused by getting beaten up by a PSYCHOTIC IRISH UPPERCLASSMEN with MATCHING PSYCHOTIC THEME MUSIC.
- Also, McCoy + Alice in Wonderland! And cabaret girls!
- And Sulu apparently wanders around thinking about guns and samurai!
- BEST EP EVAR.
The Galileo Seven
Spock and six other people are marooned when their shuttle, the Galileo, crashes.
- Cool plot, but unconvincing killer cavemen are unconvincing.
- They can't even throw their enormous spears properly, which was even more egregious than their actual FAILy cavemen, because seriously, how hard is it to THROW something?
- Scotty is surprisingly chill in the face of certain death.
- In conclusion: Spock = awesome.
The Squire of Gothos
The crew gets abducted by an alien with the ability to manipulate reality itself. You'd think they'd be better at this by now...
Oh, and hilarity ensues.
Arena
Kirk gets abducted by an alien and is forced to fight the man-lizard.
- Mom once again ID'd this episode with a three-second clip. I come by my geekery honestly.
- I'm not sure which was more entertaining:
1) the grenade launcher ammo being small purple rubber dodgeballs
2) the lightning-quick reflexes of the Gorn
3) Kirk's action booties (considerately, the Sparkly-Poo alien switched Kirk's regular Cuban-heeled boots for flats, more appropriate for running around rocks and dodging styrofoam boulders)
4) the probability that this episode was written after one dude went "Hey, I learned to make gunpowder this weekend!"
5) the Metrone's commitment to Sparkle Motion
- For once, Kirk did not lose his shirt, even though he could have.
Tomorrow is Yesterday
They accidentally go back in time and abduct people from the 20th century. Hilarity ensues.
- Kirk BLATANTLY CHECKS OUT the pilot they beam on board. Down, boy.
- I am eternally grateful that everyone does their own stunts on this show, or else we would lose a major source of amusement
- HAHAHA THE SHIP'S COMPUTER HITS ON KIRK.
- Also, Spock saying "It does have the unfortunate tendency to giggle" = BEST THING EVER.
- Actually, this was an awesome Spock episode in general:
::McCoy and Spock are hanging out in the transporter room::
MCCOY: Shouldn't you be working on the calculations?
SPOCK: I am. ::is totally thinking "I can kill you with my brain::
- Yay, Kirk and Sulu away team!
- Although Sulu has this weird thing where a random lock of hair flops in his face and it's VERY ANNOYING. He does make up for it a bit with KUNG FU ACTION, however.
- I love how they return to the future using the Superman method of "flying really fast in the opposite direction"
- Because their time travel makes no sense.
- Did I mention their time travel makes NO SENSE?
- SERIOUSLY, NONE AT ALL
Court Martial
Kirk gets -- surprise! -- court-martialed.
- Was impressed that Kirk's ladyfriend was an actually competent lawyer (well, for TV: handwavey court procedures are handwavey!)
- AND she got to wear a decent-length skirt!
- Also, the end of the episode should have gone something like this:
SHAW: So, will it bother your crew if we make out on the bridge?
KIRK: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA -- Oh, you were serious.
- Kirk lost another shirt, as well. It's a lot funnier when he's fighting another Starfleet officer, because THEY never lose their shirts.
- In conclusion: as 60s as TOS can be, their casting is REALLY progressive in many respects (in this episode, the Enterprise's Personnel Officer is Asian, Chinese I think, and the Admiral carrying the inquiry was black). Most shows on TV are still nowhere near as good as casting diversely. (Not to mention certain movies ::glares at Failbender::)
Return of the Archons
They discover Victorian Borg-like people, and Kirk gives a computer an identity crisis
Space Seed
AKA Star Trek Origins: KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!
They unfreeze a guy who tried to TAKE OVER THE WORLD, and everyone is shocked when he tries to TAKE OVER THE SHIP.
- This episode is full of gender FAIL with McIvers, the historian who falls in love with Khan. On the other hand, her name sounds like MacGyver, which is kind of awesome.
KIRK: MacGyver, you were totally zoning out over there when we were unfreezing Khan, WTF.
MACGYVER: I'm sorry, Captain. He's so historical! It just makes me want to scream his name really loud.
KIRK: Oh, well, that's perfectly natural.
- They couldn't find ANY Indian actors to play Khan? Because Ricardo Montalban's accent is kind of a giveaway.
- So, remember the time Khan took over the world in 1992?
- I love his jerky tai-chi Khan Fu.
- Everyone is randomly badass in this episode! McCoy getting choked by Khan and threatened by a scalpel: "It would be most effective if you would cut the carotid artery, just under the left ear." MADE OF WIN.
- Just a thought: maybe they should NOT let people read all about their ship's schematics so they can figure out how to exploit its weaknesses. I mean, they can list SOME of the ship's schematics, like where the bathrooms and bowling alleys are. But when people then proceed to TAKE OVER THE SHIP with the info YOU have given them, you're possibly giving them a little too much. You know. Just a bit.
- Kirk is all pissy when Khan's like "Wow, I would have thought you guys would be way more manly by now."
- This does not impede anyone's man crush, however:
KIRK: Khan is a result of genetic engineering in the late 20th century. He's like Superman!
MCCOY: He almost took over the world! Isn't that awesome?
SPOCK: ...No.
MCCOY: Oh, Spock, your silly Vulcan mind can't handle the awesomeness of world domination by a superman.
KIRK: ::dreamily:: Superman...
SPOCK: With all due respect, you are all RETARDED.
- MacGyver/Khan = FAIL. This bears frequent repeating. He totally abuses her and it's squicky and arrgh.
- However, she did allow him to express his secret desire to be a hair stylist... revealing her UNDERLYING MULLET. Because she's MACGYVER.
- Hitting Uhura is NOT COOL.
- Kirk + decompression chamber = ACTING!
- MacGyver FINALLY gets a bit awesome towards the end. She walks out while they're trying to decompress Kirk, and then the video screen goes out, so I assume she short-circuited it with a hairpin and a rubber band. And THEN she hyposprays a baddie, presumably with some wire, duct tape, a banana, and some salt, and pulls Kirk out of decompression chamber.
- I also loved the scene right after, where another baddie is going to decompress Spock. Who calmly notices Kirk hiding behind the wall, and Vulcan nerve-pinches the bad guy after Kirk takes out his gun with the Kirk spaz-chop. Totally badass.
- Also badass (and hilarious): Scotty randomly punching out a guard and then running away when Kirk and Spock flood the place with neural gas.
- Kirk's stunt double is REALLY OBVIOUS in his fight scene with Khan. Loved the flying kick, though.
- The ending is full of FAIL:
KIRK: So, I know you tried to take over the ship and kill me and my crew, but really, no hard feelings! Here, have your own planet.
SPOCK: ::facepalm::
KIRK: And MacGyver, you can either get court-martialed, or go live with the megalomaniacal but undeniably sexy superman.
MACGUYVER: Take me now, you manly piece of rich Corinthian leather!
ME: ::facepalm::
- Spock really needed to spend Wrath of Khan going "I TOLD YOU SO."
- In conclusion: KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!!
A Taste of Armageddon
They discover the Planet of People Too Dumb to Live, where their re-enactment of War Games has gotten way out of hand.
- Seriously, these people are TOO DUMB TO LIVE. They fight a computer war for 500 years and disintegrate the casualties! Why couldn't they have just switched to a purely theoretical war using the same computers? DUMB.
- Also, somebody needs to tell these people that tights are not pants. And that their togas/one legged jumpers are RETARDED LOOKING
- Diplomat dude is extremely annoying. I also love how they leave his PA randomly crumpled up in a hall after he gets hit by a disrupter.
- Scotty is made of win: "The best diplomat I know is a fully-loaded phaser bank!"
- Double-take quote of the evening:
SPOCK: Yeoman Tamara, you are to guard this woman and keep her from immolating herself. Knock her down and sit on her if you have to.
- In-context homoerotic theater presents...
SPOCK: Captain... you almost make me believe in luck.
KIRK: Why, Mr. Spock, you almost make me believe in miracles.
- In conclusion: TOO DUMB TO LIVE
This Side of Paradise
They discover the Planet of the Lotus Eaters. Hilarity ensues.
- Why do they keep insisting that all these planets don't have insect life? How do all the plants pollinate?
- The dudes on this planet have the ugliest jump-suits ever.
- I'm impressed that SPOCK managed to get a past-love interest. Although I don't know why she's so surprised at him being unemotional and Vulcany. Maybe she just stalked him a lot? And didn't pay attention?
LEILA: ::vaseline camera filter, tinkling chimes o' sexy:: Spock!
SPOCK: ...
LEILA: You got me on my knees!
SPOCK: ...
LEILA: I'm beggin' darlin' please!
SPOCK: ...
LEILA: Darlin', won't you ease my weary mind?
SPOCK: ...
- Leila looks remarkably like Mary Winchester.
- How much do I love plants that, uh, "explode" white confetti? A LOT.
- This is your crew. This is your crew on spores from sneezing plants.
- I texted Elizabeth about this one, and she replied "Is this the episode with the weird plant?" and then "After I sent that, I immediately thought, WHICH episode with the weird plant?"
KIRK: Report back to me at the settlement in ten minutes. We're evacuating all colonists to Starbase 27.
SPOCK: No, I don't think so.
KIRK: You -- don't -- think -- so -- what?
SPOCK: I don't think so, SIR.
- Kirk's WTF face at happy emotional Spock = PRICELESS
- SPOCK. FROLICKING IN A TREE. THAT IS ALL.
- McCoy gets a lot Southern-er when he's under the influence. Also, MINT JULEP LOL
- Kirk got ambushed BY A POTTED PLANT.
- A POTTED PLANT. THAT SNEEZED OFFENSIVELY ON HIM. HOW DID A *PLANT* SNEAK UP ON HIM?
- Kirk shakes off influence of spores; ACTING! ensues.
- In-context homoerotic theater presents:
KIRK: Mr. Spock is much stronger than the ordinary human being. Aroused, his great physical strength could kill.
- Kirk tries to make Spock mad, and felivers the most WTF insults ever:
"You're an overgrown jack-rabbit, an elf with a hyperactive thyroid!"
"What can you expect from a simpering, devil-eared freak, whose father was a
"Does she know what she's getting, Spock? A carcass full of memory banks who should be squatting in a mushroom instead of passing himself off as a man?" (WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?)
- Also, he's really MEAN:
KIRK: You're a traitor from a race of traitors. Disloyal to the core, rotten like the rest of your subhuman race, and you've got the gall to make love to that girl!
1) pre-emptive movie call-back!
2) Either Kirk is using awkward archaisms or I just got a WHOLE LOAD OF TMI
- Out-of-context homoerotic theater presents:
KIRK: I'll tell you something - it's not every First Officer that gets to belt his Captain... several times.
- I find it unlikely that McCoy would throw away his mint julep even he WAS no longer under the influence of spores. That's good alcohol going to waste!
- Don't cry, emo Vulcan:
SPOCK: I have little to say about it, Captain, except that for the first time in my life... I was happy.
Amok Time
I don't think I can put it better than TV Guide did: "Mr. Spock succumbs to a powerful mating urge and nearly kills Captain Kirk."
- I know this isn't the next episode, but mea soror needed moral support to watch it.
- I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED. BEST HOUR OF TV EVAR.
- Kirk's going to have to bring Spock up on charges of second-degree soup-hurling < /mst3k >
- It's Chekov! With really unfortunate hair!
- I don't know what's better: Spock's awkward attempt to explain Vulcan... biology, or Kirk's immediate assumption that biology = sex.
- Bonus Spock response: "But the birds and the bees are not Vulcan, Captain."
- Vulcans really like shiny things, apparently. Lamé is their fabric of choice.
- Really, REALLY like shiny things. Even their planet is sparkly.
- Also, the guards are totally wearing Romulan helmets, which is a nice callback, even if they only did it to recycle costumes.
- "T'Pau" sounds like a Batman Action Bubble. Bam! Tapow!
- Re: T'Pau
KIRK: She's like all of Vulcan in one package.
- You'd think by this time Kirk would have enough sense to ask whether or not it's a contest to the death BEFORE he agrees to fight in it.
- VULCAN CEREMONIAL JINGLE BELLS OF DOOM.
- Even better, THE TINTINNABULATION OF THE VULCANS takes the place of the normal ominous timpani and/or dun dun DUN stingers:
SPOCK: ::cuts Kirk's shirt with ceremonial shovel::
BELLS: ::JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE::
KIRK: ::gets tangled in ceremonial ace bandage::
BELLS: ::JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE::
SPOCK: ::totally chokes a bitch -- hey, that's familiar::
MCCOY: He's dead, me.
BELLS: ::JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE::
- Also, traditional Vulcan weapons are, apparently, a shovel and an ace bandage. That are shiny.
- Not only does Kirk have a wardrobe malfunction, we get bonus heaving bosoms!
- Man, Spock's fiancee? Is a BITCH.
- Don't cry, Emo Vulcan:
T'PAU: Live long and prosper.
SPOCK: I shall do neither. I have killed my captain, and my friend.
- Did Spock actually just say his urge to mate went away during his fight with Kirk? Yes, he did. (So THAT'S what they're calling it these days...)
- Aww, smiley!Spock! The scene where he finds out Kirk isn't dead is kind of adorable.
- And then Kirk and McCoy start making fun of him for showing an emotion, heee.
- And finally, some gender FAIL:
SPOCK: I'm sorry I spazzed out at you.
CHAPEL: I'm just really glad you're not engaged anymore.
SPOCK: Now make me some soup, woman!
More may or may not be forthcoming.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
*cough* ^^
Date: 2009-06-12 11:14 pm (UTC)Re: *cough* ^^
Date: 2009-06-12 11:21 pm (UTC)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnDHLDHHdzc