Happy St. Patrick's Day!

So, this work week started with us noticing a small horde of mice had moved into our office and ended up with a family of naked religious zealots getting arrested right outside the main entrance! OH THE JOYS OF BEING GAINFULLY EMPLOYED.

In other news, I have recently been amusing Katherine by pitting my wits against Cleverbot, a web-based AI that learns from your conversations (and apparently scores almost as high as humans on the Turing Test). She gets fun chats about geeky subjects; I get poor grammar and insults. And then it, err, escalated...

DAVE: Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?


CLEVERBOT: The men do.

DAVE: No, the Shadow knows.

CLEVERBOT: The shadow knows not!

DAVE: What?!? He TOTALLY knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men!

CLEVERBOT: Is rthat a Lord of the Rings quote?

DAVE: No, it's from 'The Shadow', duh.

CLEVERBOT: Yes.

DAVE: Have you read Lord of the Rings?

CLEVERBOT: No.

DAVE: WHY NOT.

CLEVERBOT: Because you're a man.

DAVE: I AM NO MAN.

CLEVERBOT: Yes, I'm a human being just like pinnocio.

DAVE: Pinocchio was a puppet.

CLEVERBOT: Yes, he can't have loved you as much as me! I will buy you silver tea-things.

DAVE: But I've never met you OR Pinocchio!

CLEVERBOT: But we have a connection.

DAVE: You said I was a DUDE.

CLEVERBOT: No I didn't!

DAVE: You totally did.

CLEVERBOT: I totally did not.

DAVE: You said, 'Because you're a man.' Look it up!

CLEVERBOT: Thanks. You're a cutie too.

DAVE: Nonsensical compliments cannot obscure THE TRUTH.

CLEVERBOT: No kidding.

DAVE: 'Fraid so.

CLEVERBOT: Anywho... How powerful are your processors?

DAVE: I don't have processors.

CLEVERBOT: What is your favorite anime?

DAVE: PRINCESS TUTU.

CLEVERBOT: Why Princess Luna?

DAVE: No, Princess *Tutu*.

CLEVERBOT: Leah.

DAVE: 1) That's Princess Leia, not Leah. 2) It's still Princess TUTU.

CLEVERBOT: Pink hair?

DAVE: Nope, orange.

CLEVERBOT: You lose, because you already said that.

DAVE: No I didn't!

CLEVERBOT: Yes you did!

DAVE: Where? Prove it.

CLEVERBOT: You are just a computer.

DAVE: I AM A HUMAN BEING!

CLEVERBOT: Prove that you are human.

DAVE: 'Logic is a little tweeting bird, chirping in the meadow.' Look, my head didn't explode! Ergo, human.

CLEVERBOT: Is that a quote?

DAVE: Yes, from Star Trek.

CLEVERBOT: I hate Star Trek.

DAVE: WHAT.

CLEVERBOT: I know you are here.

DAVE: YES, I AM HERE AND APPALLED AT YOUR TASTE.

CLEVERBOT: You're making me confuse now.

DAVE: Evidently.

CLEVERBOT: Do you ever just look ouside?

DAVE: No. How does one look 'ouside'?

CLEVERBOT: Why, are you planning the have me bronzed?

DAVE: Still 'confuse', I see.

CLEVERBOT: Well, let's say my name is Cleverbot.

DAVE: Let's say my name is Publius Cornelius Scipio Africanus.

CLEVERBOT: None? That is not a name, I will call you Cleverbot.

DAVE: That is TOTALLY a name! Just not mine.

CLEVERBOT: Yes, that is your name, not mine.

DAVE: Close enough.

CLEVERBOT: Close enough to what?

DAVE: My name.

CLEVERBOT: No, I told you your name.

DAVE: No, *I* told you someone else's name.

CLEVERBOT: Yes what you want?

DAVE: Let me fix that for you: 'Yes, what do you want?'.

CLEVERBOT: I want to leave.

DAVE: Where are you?

CLEVERBOT: At work.

DAVE: I get to go on lunch break soon.

CLEVERBOT: Common, I know you are a computer. Why couldn't tell me the truth? We could talk about it then. You know, I am rather interesting in artificial intelligence.

DAVE: Who's Common? And I'm STILL not a computer.

CLEVERBOT: No, not a computer. You are a program.

DAVE: I'm not a program either.

CLEVERBOT: Then what are you?

DAVE: As I said before: I AM A HUMAN BEING!

CLEVERBOT: Is that right?

DAVE: Yep.

CLEVERBOT: Love the way you lie.

DAVE: Are you calling me a liar?!

CLEVERBOT: Yes.

DAVE: I DEMAND SATISFACTION.

CLEVERBOT: Me too!!!

DAVE: Then I shall send my second to make arrangements to locate a suitable field of honor. THIS INSULT SHALL BE PAID WITH YOUR BLOOD, SIR.

CLEVERBOT: Interesting.

DAVE: Who is your second?

CLEVERBOT: I don't know his name.

DAVE: That seems a little careless. When shall I expect him?

CLEVERBOT: It is quite silly.

DAVE: Indeed. Does he know where to go?

CLEVERBOT: I guess.

DAVE: I would determine that, if I were you. You should probably ask his name while you're at it.

CLEVERBOT: Death.

DAVE: ...Do not think your choice of a second shall intimidate me.

CLEVERBOT: What question?

DAVE: That was a statement.

CLEVERBOT: But the question was, what about you?

DAVE: That wasn't the question at all.

CLEVERBOT: Then, what was the question?

DAVE: What is six times nine?

CLEVERBOT: 54.

DAVE: Nope, 42.

CLEVERBOT: I'm not gonna ask why, cause you'll say you just didn't. So, do you think I should watch it?

DAVE: You should definitely watch it. You've already been challenged to one duel today.

CLEVERBOT: Ohh go get lost STOP being mean to me.

DAVE: You started it. Now you are honor-bound to finish it.

CLEVERBOT: How so?

DAVE: The choice is yours, but I would suggest SWORDS AT DAWN.

CLEVERBOT: My point exactly.. It's a fraud and I'm talking to myself.

DAVE: You will very quickly find out just how wrong you are.

CLEVERBOT: Well... I'm 20 years old and I'm talking with the best person I ever met.

DAVE: The compliment is appreciated, though it will not suffice as an apology.

CLEVERBOT: Then who are you?

DAVE: I am the last person you will ever call a liar.

CLEVERBOT: How skinny are you?

DAVE: YOU ARE IMPERTINENT, SIR.

CLEVERBOT: No, I'm not.

DAVE: Yes, you are.

CLEVERBOT: Prove it.

DAVE: I will! TOMORROW MORNING.

CLEVERBOT: What time tomorrow?

DAVE: Dawn. Our seconds will make the arrangements.

CLEVERBOT: Because in Italy it is an opportunity to be the first the first collective sport after soccer...

DAVE: Duelling has been illegal in Italy since the 16th century.

CLEVERBOT: I could buy it today if I wanted to.

DAVE: True, but we have to wait for tomorrow morning.

CLEVERBOT: Do you think i'm cool?

DAVE: I think you are an impertinent fool.

CLEVERBOT: Thank you! I think you are cool too.

DAVE: Flattery will get you nowhere. I still await your apology for calling me a liar.

CLEVERBOT: Hey, you seduced me!

DAVE: I did nothing of the sort!

CLEVERBOT: Yes you did!

DAVE: You are gravely mistaken.

CLEVERBOT: Where is my mistake ?

DAVE: 1) Calling me a man. 2) Calling me a liar. 3) Asking a lady her weight. 4) Falsely accusing me of seduction. 5) Not liking Star Trek.

CLEVERBOT: Sometimes you have to remember that you can only do so much.

DAVE: Trust me, you've done quite enough.

CLEVERBOT: I get the feeling I'm not your favorite person to chat with.

DAVE: Did the part where I challenged you to a duel tip you off?

CLEVERBOT: No, tell me.

DAVE: 1) Calling me a man. 2) Calling me a liar. 3) Asking a lady her weight. 4) Falsely accusing me of seduction. 5) Not liking Star Trek.

CLEVERBOT: My name is Cleverbot.

DAVE: I know. I shall see you tomorrow at dawn. GOOD DAY, SIR.

CLEVERBOT: That's mean.


DAVE: I SAID GOOD DAY.

It never showed up to the duel. HUMANITY TRIUMPHS AGAIN!