Swash swash buckle buckle arrrrrrr

Ahoy, mateys! I be returned just lately from me voyage to the District of Columbia in the Virginia Colony. 'Twas a great success! On Friday night, meself, Black Laura, and the fearsome lass Hallie did attend a fine soiree at Glen Echo, carousin' and dancin' late into the night. On Saturday, we devised a most cunnin' plot to deceive the Dread Meera, whose natal day it did be. (But first, alas, I acted a right scurvy dog when I did slay Black Laura's computer, a canny machine that did ever have a dislikin' of me.) We fared afar to the Maryland Renaissance Festival with her and Mad Alice, where I tried me hand at archery (under the tutelage of Black Laura, a most wicked and fearsome shot) and we pillaged and looted until we did be swimmin' with booty (and did greatly scoff at the steampunk scallywags, untutored sprogs who did be dressin' from the wrong century). Then we lured the Dread Meera back to her ship with cunnin' and deceit, where Tarred Daniel smartly did arrange a surprise party. We presented her with plundered swag (and squid humpin's!) and spliced the mainbrace to the melodious recitin's of Steve the Pirate. Today, me and Black Laura marauded the high seas, but alas, we were soon parted as I felt the sea callin' me home to Philadelphia port.

Fair winds, me hearties! I'll raise a glass o' grog to ye.