Everybody pretend you don't have blood!

Heeeeeeeeeeee.

Torchwood: EPIC FAIL - Doctor Who Road Trip!

So, once upon a time, I decided to help out the cross-section of my friends who 1) watched Doctor Who and 2) had actual standards like "not sucking" for what TV shows they watched by recapping Torchwood Series One. (For those who haven't been paying attention, or who repressed all memories of s1 after watching "Cyberwoman", Torchwood chronicles the exploits of Captain Jack Harkness -- lady's man, man's man, man about town -- and his team, whose job of "tracking down alien life on Earth" and "arming the human race against the future" while monitoring the Rift in time and space that runs through Cardiff somehow translates to "making poor life choices" and "unleashing alien terror upon the unsuspecting populace" with upsetting regularity.)

I was going to stop there, for lo, I beheld Series Two and thought it awesome. Which it is, to be sure, but upon closer examination, I determined that this was not because Torchwood stopped failing, but because it started winning enough to counteract the FAIL that still lurked beneath the surface as stealthily as Torchwood themselves -- in other words, not very. And so, dear readers, Torchwood: EPIC FAIL will return... in THUNDERBALL! at some point, hopefully before the new series comes out! And since that's apparently not until THE SUMMER WTF I suspect that probability is in my favor!

Of course, part of Torchwood's... charm is that fairly critical backstory likes to happen in other shows, whereupon it is vaguely alluded to but not actually explained on Torchwood itself. (I have thus been forced to speculate that Torchwood may actually be allergic to backstory, and its appearance will cause the entire show to go into shock which explains the s2 finale.)

This being the case, I feel obligated to recap the Doctor Who Series Three finale for completeness' sake, since it has Torchwood backstory up the wazoo. (Not literally.)

(I hope.)

So, please enjoy this brief interruption to your irregularly scheduled programming!

( Previously on Doctor Who... )

The Torchwood: EPIC FAIL Project Table o' Contents!