Most of us are morally ambiguous, which explains our totally random dying patterns!

My mother has become more subtle in her attempts to destroy me. Instead of giving me moldy bread, she has now given me a sandwich on a HAMBURGER BUN, probably hoping the squishy consistency and bland taste will cause me to pass out from grossness and hit my head on something, or to leave me defenceless so the mice can devour me.

In other news, I had a lady call approximately 7 million times, trying to talk to the Registrar, except her phone kept emitting an electronic scream designed to melt my brain or possibly give the entire phone system some hideous super-virus. I'm fairly certain phones are not supposed to do that.

Back to the sandwich of doom, I guess.

ETA: RASPBERRY KANDY KAKES? WHAT. BLEARGH.