shadydave: (poisoning pigeons in the park)
When the school district has to provide grief counselors because of the number of positions they need to cut next year, you might be underfunding the public school system.

You know. Just a little.
shadydave: (peace out)
So, this work week started with us noticing a small horde of mice had moved into our office and ended up with a family of naked religious zealots getting arrested right outside the main entrance! OH THE JOYS OF BEING GAINFULLY EMPLOYED.

In other news, I have recently been amusing Katherine by pitting my wits against Cleverbot, a web-based AI that learns from your conversations (and apparently scores almost as high as humans on the Turing Test). She gets fun chats about geeky subjects; I get poor grammar and insults. And then it, err, escalated...

DAVE: Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?

CLEVERBOT: The men do.

DAVE: No, the Shadow knows.

CLEVERBOT: The shadow knows not!

DAVE: What?!? He TOTALLY knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men!

CLEVERBOT: Is rthat a Lord of the Rings quote?

DAVE: No, it's from 'The Shadow', duh.


DAVE: Have you read Lord of the Rings?



CLEVERBOT: Because you're a man.


CLEVERBOT: Yes, I'm a human being just like pinnocio.

DAVE: Pinocchio was a puppet.

CLEVERBOT: Yes, he can't have loved you as much as me! I will buy you silver tea-things.

DAVE: But I've never met you OR Pinocchio!

CLEVERBOT: But we have a connection.

DAVE: You said I was a DUDE.

CLEVERBOT: No I didn't!

DAVE: You totally did.

CLEVERBOT: I totally did not.

DAVE: You said, 'Because you're a man.' Look it up!

CLEVERBOT: Thanks. You're a cutie too.

DAVE: Nonsensical compliments cannot obscure THE TRUTH.

CLEVERBOT: No kidding.

DAVE: 'Fraid so.

CLEVERBOT: Anywho... How powerful are your processors?

DAVE: I don't have processors.

CLEVERBOT: What is your favorite anime?


CLEVERBOT: Why Princess Luna?

DAVE: No, Princess *Tutu*.


DAVE: 1) That's Princess Leia, not Leah. 2) It's still Princess TUTU.

CLEVERBOT: Pink hair?

DAVE: Nope, orange.

CLEVERBOT: You lose, because you already said that.

DAVE: No I didn't!

CLEVERBOT: Yes you did!

DAVE: Where? Prove it.

CLEVERBOT: You are just a computer.


CLEVERBOT: Prove that you are human.

DAVE: 'Logic is a little tweeting bird, chirping in the meadow.' Look, my head didn't explode! Ergo, human.

CLEVERBOT: Is that a quote?

DAVE: Yes, from Star Trek.

CLEVERBOT: I hate Star Trek.


CLEVERBOT: I know you are here.


CLEVERBOT: You're making me confuse now.

DAVE: Evidently.

CLEVERBOT: Do you ever just look ouside?

DAVE: No. How does one look 'ouside'?

CLEVERBOT: Why, are you planning the have me bronzed?

DAVE: Still 'confuse', I see.

CLEVERBOT: Well, let's say my name is Cleverbot.

DAVE: Let's say my name is Publius Cornelius Scipio Africanus.

CLEVERBOT: None? That is not a name, I will call you Cleverbot.

DAVE: That is TOTALLY a name! Just not mine.

CLEVERBOT: Yes, that is your name, not mine.

DAVE: Close enough.

CLEVERBOT: Close enough to what?

DAVE: My name.

CLEVERBOT: No, I told you your name.

DAVE: No, *I* told you someone else's name.

CLEVERBOT: Yes what you want?

DAVE: Let me fix that for you: 'Yes, what do you want?'.

CLEVERBOT: I want to leave.

DAVE: Where are you?


DAVE: I get to go on lunch break soon.

CLEVERBOT: Common, I know you are a computer. Why couldn't tell me the truth? We could talk about it then. You know, I am rather interesting in artificial intelligence.

DAVE: Who's Common? And I'm STILL not a computer.

CLEVERBOT: No, not a computer. You are a program.

DAVE: I'm not a program either.

CLEVERBOT: Then what are you?

DAVE: As I said before: I AM A HUMAN BEING!

CLEVERBOT: Is that right?

DAVE: Yep.

CLEVERBOT: Love the way you lie.

DAVE: Are you calling me a liar?!



CLEVERBOT: Me too!!!

DAVE: Then I shall send my second to make arrangements to locate a suitable field of honor. THIS INSULT SHALL BE PAID WITH YOUR BLOOD, SIR.

CLEVERBOT: Interesting.

DAVE: Who is your second?

CLEVERBOT: I don't know his name.

DAVE: That seems a little careless. When shall I expect him?

CLEVERBOT: It is quite silly.

DAVE: Indeed. Does he know where to go?


DAVE: I would determine that, if I were you. You should probably ask his name while you're at it.


DAVE: ...Do not think your choice of a second shall intimidate me.

CLEVERBOT: What question?

DAVE: That was a statement.

CLEVERBOT: But the question was, what about you?

DAVE: That wasn't the question at all.

CLEVERBOT: Then, what was the question?

DAVE: What is six times nine?


DAVE: Nope, 42.

CLEVERBOT: I'm not gonna ask why, cause you'll say you just didn't. So, do you think I should watch it?

DAVE: You should definitely watch it. You've already been challenged to one duel today.

CLEVERBOT: Ohh go get lost STOP being mean to me.

DAVE: You started it. Now you are honor-bound to finish it.


DAVE: The choice is yours, but I would suggest SWORDS AT DAWN.

CLEVERBOT: My point exactly.. It's a fraud and I'm talking to myself.

DAVE: You will very quickly find out just how wrong you are.

CLEVERBOT: Well... I'm 20 years old and I'm talking with the best person I ever met.

DAVE: The compliment is appreciated, though it will not suffice as an apology.

CLEVERBOT: Then who are you?

DAVE: I am the last person you will ever call a liar.

CLEVERBOT: How skinny are you?


CLEVERBOT: No, I'm not.

DAVE: Yes, you are.

CLEVERBOT: Prove it.


CLEVERBOT: What time tomorrow?

DAVE: Dawn. Our seconds will make the arrangements.

CLEVERBOT: Because in Italy it is an opportunity to be the first the first collective sport after soccer...

DAVE: Duelling has been illegal in Italy since the 16th century.

CLEVERBOT: I could buy it today if I wanted to.

DAVE: True, but we have to wait for tomorrow morning.

CLEVERBOT: Do you think i'm cool?

DAVE: I think you are an impertinent fool.

CLEVERBOT: Thank you! I think you are cool too.

DAVE: Flattery will get you nowhere. I still await your apology for calling me a liar.

CLEVERBOT: Hey, you seduced me!

DAVE: I did nothing of the sort!

CLEVERBOT: Yes you did!

DAVE: You are gravely mistaken.

CLEVERBOT: Where is my mistake ?

DAVE: 1) Calling me a man. 2) Calling me a liar. 3) Asking a lady her weight. 4) Falsely accusing me of seduction. 5) Not liking Star Trek.

CLEVERBOT: Sometimes you have to remember that you can only do so much.

DAVE: Trust me, you've done quite enough.

CLEVERBOT: I get the feeling I'm not your favorite person to chat with.

DAVE: Did the part where I challenged you to a duel tip you off?

CLEVERBOT: No, tell me.

DAVE: 1) Calling me a man. 2) Calling me a liar. 3) Asking a lady her weight. 4) Falsely accusing me of seduction. 5) Not liking Star Trek.

CLEVERBOT: My name is Cleverbot.

DAVE: I know. I shall see you tomorrow at dawn. GOOD DAY, SIR.

CLEVERBOT: That's mean.


It never showed up to the duel. HUMANITY TRIUMPHS AGAIN!


Oct. 21st, 2011 11:11 am
shadydave: (do not taunt the octopus)


On the plus side, last weekend I went to NYComic Con with Courtney (I was femme!Eleven, she was the Black Canary: together, we FIGHT CRIME! And go to panels featuring Tamora Pierce), and this afternoon I'm heading down to Homecoming! Hopefully I will not arrive only to discover that William and Mary has shut down and completely vacated the premises, leaving only empty buildings and tourists.

Thirty Days of Genre

Day 6: Most Annoying Character )
shadydave: (peace out)
random pictures from work )
shadydave: (do not taunt the octopus)
Ahaha, it's not like I need my work email to do WORK-RELATED ACTIVITIES or anything.

Woke up this morning with a horrible ache/spasm in my left shoulder that either means I have yet to recover from having to shovel out the driveway for approximately forever last week (while my parents were in FLORIDA) or that I have been having a heart attack for the past three hours. Naturally, we are supposed to get more snow tomorrow.

On the other hand, I did make tasty Mexican Hot Chocolate last night!

El Chocolate Caliente En Fuego! )
shadydave: (do not taunt the octopus)
...I think someone just put me on hold and then made a smoothie.
shadydave: (peace out)
You know, I didn't think it was possible for the supplemental bid order product descriptions to sound worse than they did last year.

I was wrong:

"All poles come with a tip (or butt plug)."


(Hur hur, "equipment".)
shadydave: (do not taunt the octopus)
Well, thank goodness they gave us three hours to pack up and hustled us off to the new office, because it's REALLY CONVENIENT that we have no Internet or phone lines. For another week at least. Yay.

::rapid-fire headdesk::
shadydave: (do not taunt the octopus)
So, technology. We meet again.


- I have a magic phone!


- It's full of my brother's crap, because he didn't wipe it before he gave it to me.

- Trying to get rid of said has so far required copious erasing and restoring to factory settings, which has gotten rid of everything except THREE HUNDRED EXTRANEOUS CONTACTS WHICH WILL NOT GO AWAY, POR QUE, AND has upgraded me to the OS I did not want, to boot.

- Meanwhile, our database at work has decided to just flip all the toggles to default settings in the most recent new entries. It's not like I was using them to KEEP TRACK OF VITAL INFORMATION OR ANYTHING.

- Also, plz don't repost comments on my LJ to Facebook/Twitter, k. I work very hard to maintain my status as Facebook Amish.
shadydave: (rock on)
So, if you are like me and totally fail at following current events, Pakistan is kind of underwater at this point and definitely needs everyone's help. You can text FLOOD to 27722 to donate $10; the Department of State's website has more info.

In much happier news, Elizabeth got married this weekend! Huzzah! Highlights include:

-- seeing Natasha before she flees to Tibet
-- being able to tell people we got kicked out of a club at the bachelorette partay
-- STEAMPUNK ANTLER EARRINGS (thanks, Katherine!)
-- contra dancing with Laura and unexpected Mike!
-- the wedding ceremony quietly being crashed by random Turkish tourists
-- Meera's bf deciding to tell everyone he was an Ultimate Fighter at the reception

Sadly, I was not able to go down to the 'Burg on Sunday and see more people :(

However, I did make it to the last concert of the Folk Fest, which was awesome! Even if I DID miss Vienna Teng on Friday, alas. I particularly liked Malinky, Rockin' Acoustic Circus, and Richard Thompson. I also picked up "Book of Sparrows" by Tracy Grammer, but I don't know if I like it yet -- it's very mellow.

And then I made banana bread yesterday. Mmmm, banana bread.

I like bananas! Bananas are good. )

In conclusion: I apparently missed the Back to School Meeting, which may or may not have been mandatory. Whoops? In my defense, I have received absolutely no information about it, aside from that the retirement plan rep would be appearing in the district at some point and other people were supposed to call him. I guess I am not included in the district's Psychic Information Network :(
shadydave: (poisoning pigeons in the park)
So, it was fine when they installed automatic lights in my office and surrounding hallways. I don't turn the lights on anyway (to encourage the a/c), and trying to sneak down the hallways in the dark has proved more fun than it really should. The demon pig was disturbing, but the way it would mysteriously move around without human intervention added some zest to my day. Then they moved all our filing cabinets into the stairwell. Weird, but fine; we'll probably be moving soon anyway. All the loose wiring hanging down from displaced ceiling tiles added a certain charm to the place. Sure, they left all our floor mats out across the hallway, but at least we have clean carpets. And go ahead, don't bother to empty the trash! I'm sure the floor mats will enjoy the company as the contents of my office osmose out into the hallway.

But you know what's the BEST? Dropping a vanilla latte in my car!

What I'm saying is that I cannot wait for my vacation to start tomorrow. ::sigh::

Here, have some links:

candle coveā€¦ was it about pirates?

Take it easy on the kid, SilverFox316; everybody kills Hitler on their first trip.

Mark Reads Harry Potter

Are You Brian Blessed Or Not?
shadydave: (do not taunt the octopus)
So, I found this amongst all the stuff that's been moved out of the classrooms while they have their floors cleaned:

I assumed it was the custodians that piled all the desks in the hallways, but I'm willing to consider the work of lemony-fresh malevolent spirits.
shadydave: (rock on)
"It is clear to the Nut that magicism has been spreading in Upper Derby. It is quite a common occurrence to see graffiti against witches in the stalls of the girl's bathroom, and it has become even more common to throw garlic at the vampire children in the Kindergarten Center. This incident occurred so frequently to one vampire child, that her parents, Edward and Bella Cullen, withdrew their daughter from school. Bella Cullen said to the Nut, "This is ridiculous, honestly! She's not even a vampire! She's a hybrid between a vampire and a human! Seriously, everyone is just really jealous of my beautiful baby and her super-long name!" Edward Cullen followed this statement with, "Help me! Please, get me away from that woman!"

-- "Magic Must Defeat Magicism", The Nut, April 1, 2010
shadydave: (rock on)
So, Big Grandmother strikes again!

Have some cool links:

- Have you ever thought, "Gosh, I want to make some pizza dough, but all I have is flour, baking powder, and beer"? Well, fear not!

- This article had me at the title: 'New Moon' Exclusive: Which of Robert Pattinson's co-stars does he find the most difficult? His hair.

"I sound so stupid, but in a lot of ways the hair is 75 percent of my performance." -- Explains a lot, really.

- Detailed and amusing re-caps/commentary on the first 6 books of WoT. Extremely convenient if you want to read the new book, but haven't read the rest of the series, uh, 4 years, and now have no idea who anyone is, where they are, or what they're doing.

- ETA: My friend Melissa (who you may recognize as "random girl in that one dance scene in The Village") is in a contest to get a Doritos commercial aired at the Superbowl! It's actually pretty funny, so you should go watch it (make sure you hit "skip intro"). And then you should view it daily, since it only tracks which computers view it one day at a time, and she needs 1500 views.

- ETA ETA: Pride and Prejudice and Emoticons

Doctor Who: The Waters of Mars )

- You know what would have been an even cooler idea? "Doctor Who: The Water Ice of Mars", wherein the Doctor battles a sinister alien threat transmitted through the astronauts' dessert.
shadydave: (do not taunt the octopus)
Apparently our filtering software was written by someone's outspoken granny:

shadydave: (do not taunt the octopus)
Here's a fun game: what do YOU think I got to type specs for?

- Fiber Reinforced Composite handle eliminates vibration and hand sting

- Newest hybrid technology to deliver maximum performance

- Cushioned synthetic leather grip offers exceptional feel and durability

- Ensures unyielding durability and performance

- Extra-long barrel construction provides the ultimate power source for serious ball players

- Stacked barrel maximizes sweet spot with the strongest and thinnest walls of the tightest composite weave

- Exterior re-enforced frame increases perimeter strength and stiffness

- Slapper preferred-maximum control and barrel length

- Specifically formulated to maximize sweet spot contact area

- Patented Extended Flex design lengthens sweet spot creating the largest hitting area in the game

In conclusion: 'Stiff handle delivers more barrel flex, resulting in better trampoline effect which produces greater performance. This stiff handle alloy also gives more consistent feedback, allowing you to "feel the hit".'

Professor Freud says... )

Yeah, so I actually had to submit those for purchasing. Kinky.
shadydave: (Do not set yourself on fire)
Retirement plan
Something which I will not need
For many years now


The story of Ed
Retired at sixty-two
Less money than Joy


My leg falls asleep
I try to hide my boredom
My chair is squeaking
shadydave: (Do not set yourself on fire)
So, you know what's been missing all your life? The LOLcat Wasteland!

teh metaphorz are thick and fast, / no can has literal translationz

I assume this what would happen if The Wasteland and Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats had a hideous mutant baby.

In other news, April really IS the cruelest month, because it was about ONE MILLION DEGREES today, and being as it takes the A/C at work a few days to kick in, I work on the third floor, and our office faces east, TODAY KIND OF SUCKED. Also, I suspect TOMORROW WILL KIND OF SUCK TOO.

shadydave: (Default)
As I sit at work on this inclement day, several questions spring to mind:

1) Why is it that the bad weather never happens in such a way that school is canceled while the roads around my house are totally clear, as opposed to the reverse which happens ALL THE TIME?


shadydave: (Default)
Arrgh, stupid eMac, Safari crashed and my entry didn't autosave.

Debbie left her computer on the same iTunes radio station as mine, but it's slightly out of sync. "We Will Rock You" sounds REALLY WEIRD with an echo.

I had to go to the dentist and get a temporary crown yesterday, which pretty much sucked out loud. Also, apparently my insurance company is denying that I have coverage, which is totally untrue because we put me back on in July. Why do my teeth hate me so?

In other news, yesterday the freshmen had some orientation activity cleverly called "Mission: Possible", which naturally entailed blasting the Mission: Impossible theme song through the intercom in the Main Office for 45 MINUTES. Being as yours truly was diligently registering students on her computer IN THE MAIN OFFICE, this created a certain degree of cognitive dissonance:

DAVE: ::assigns student new ID number::
DAVE: ::updates address field::
DAVE: ::enters PCC code::

I am somehow finding it difficult to imagine a situation where the ability to put a student in Starbase plays a critical role in industrial espionage or whatever. It does remind me of that xkcd comic, though.


shadydave: (Default)

December 2012

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