![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Torchwood: EPIC FAIL - Episode 1x12
Torchwood, Series One: The EPIC FAIL Project
Episode 12: "Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun!" aka "Captain Jack Harkness"
Another good episode! One could almost think that they have stopped the deluge of FAIL! Of course, one would be wrong, but at least this episode lets you treasure the illusion.
Jack commandeers Tosh on her way to her grandfather's birthday party into investigating a derelict dance hall, where there have been lots of reports about mysterious music. Jack reminisces about the dances during WWII and swings Tosh around, which is super-cute. There's a lot of nawwwwwwwww-worthy dancing in this episode, which WINS quite a bit.
They don't find anything unusual until they too hear the music, and then wander into a 1941 "Kiss the Boys Goodbye" dance. Both of them are all "Ohh, neato!" until they realize they're now stuck in 1941. Oops.
Back at the Hub, the entire universe has apparently decided to make Owen sleep on the couch.
Ianto notices that Tosh's Rift monitor is doing stuff and tries to call her, eventually realizing that she and Jack are mysteriously out of contact. Owen fools around with Tosh's Rift math programmy things and realizes there's stuff in there about the Rift activity when Diane showed up and left again. Gwen goes to check out the dance hall, but can't find anyone.
Jack, meanwhile, is pretty much unconcerned about being stuck in 1941, probably because he's been there several times already and is already dressed for the occasion. He tells Tosh they need to blend in, so of course 5 minutes later he's gotten into a fight, which gets broken up by a dashing young American volunteer Air Force captain named... Jack Harkness. WAH WAH WAH.
They get ambushed by creepy caretaker man, who takes a picture with them.
L to R: Captain Jack Harkness, Creepy Caretaker Man, Creepy Caretaker Man's Cravat, Captain Jack Harkness, Very Confused Tosh
Creepy caretaker man's name is Bilis Manger, but since I am upset his name is not an anagram of "Salami Binger" (or of anything, really) he shall henceforward be referred to as Creepy Man. It is a nice cravat though.
"A cravat is the apotheosis of all neckware." - The Scarlet Pimpernel
Meanwhile, in THE FUTURE! Ianto and Owen find the aforementioned picture and cunningly deduce that Jack and Tosh are stuck in 1941, and Ianto does some ACTING! Back in WWII, Tosh is all "WTF you have the same name!" and Jack cops to kleptoing the name ("It's not my name — it's his. I took his. But I didn't realize he was so hot!"), but still doesn't explain anything, because Torchwood would probably implode if they actually told us anything relevant about Jack's backstory.
Tosh mentions that she's got half her equations for the Rift program thingy in her laptop, and if they communicate them to modern day Torchwood, they might be able to get back. They borrow Creepy Man's office to do this (for some reason, Tosh's laptop feels the need to announce "LOW BATTERY! LOW BATTERY!" and obscure the entire screen, which seems to be a fairly large design flaw in situations like this) but Creepy Man comes back and is all passive aggressive at them, so they leave. He pulls out a drawer with a file marked "Torchwood", and reveals that he has teenage girl writing.
Not pictured: Pages of doodles with "I <3 Captain Jack", "Captain and Mrs. Jack Harkness", "Creepy Man + Jack 4EVA", "He thinks my cravat is sexy", etc.
Meanwhile, in THE FUTURE! Gwen runs into the very same Creepy Man, who offers to help her look for her friends. THE PLOT THICKENS! Also, apparently we should VOTE SAXON.
In the Hub, Owen is all about using the Rift Manipulator to rescue Jack and Toshand Diane, yes, definitely for Jack and Tosh and Diane rescuing purposes only, but they're missing a vital component. This gets explained later (kind of), but at the time it just makes Torchwood look even more incompetent than usual since it implies they go around losing critical pieces of their machinery.
Tosh commandeers a soldier to give her meteorological info for her equations, and Jack chats up the Other Jack (who is awesome and full of WIN). They bond over the war and stuff, and Jack feels bad because Other Jack is totally going to die tomorrow, whereupon Jack from the DW episodes "The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances" will steal his name and falsify his records. I hope you've got that straight.
Other Jack's girlfriend drops by and they are awkward at each other, and this is not helped much by Jack going OMG KISS HER GOODBYE!!1!! Other Jack caves and does just that, and gf tells him she loves him. This seems to piss Other Jack off, so he yells at Jack, which to say the least is not the normal reaction to declarations of love from people who are not stalkers.
Meanwhile, in THE FUTURE! Team Torchwood figure out that Creepy Man was also in 1941 and is thus officially dodgy.
Meanwhile meanwhile, the Jacks talk about war some more, as Jack tells Other Jack it's okay to be scared out of your wits that you might die at any moment, like tomorrow. Also, he reveals that he shipped off to war when he was young and got his best friend killed "by the worst possible creatures you can imagine," and while this isn't really RELEVANT backstory, it's nice to find out that Jack has SOME backstory and did not spring fully formed from a stolen Chula warship.
Tosh in the meantime has figured out all the appropriate TV math, but needs to find some way to write it down so that it'll last for 60+ years. She does this by stealing Creepy Man's dodgy anachronistic polaroid, since "pencil will fade!" What, nobody has a PEN? FAIL. She hides part of the equations in a breaker box, or something, but realizes she cut off part of the equation on her second picture, and the air raid siren goes off before she can fix it. Inside, she finishes the equation on the back of the picture in her OWN BLOOD, which is totally hardcore, but seriously, NO ONE has a pen?
Torchwood: Communication by tetanus!
The Jacks are still busy exchanging manly soulful glances, while Jack urges Other Jack to GET LAID WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!1! Unfortunately, Other Jack has to go comfort his pilots, or something, and the moment for Captain Jack Harkness/Captain Jack Harkness is lost.
Meanwhile, in THE FUTURE! Gwen finds the first part of Tosh's equations, but can't locate the second half. Owen goes to help her look and finds the other photograph, but critical numbers have been scratched out of her message written in blooooooooood. OH NOES! Conveniently, he also discovers the missing piece of the Rift Manipulator in a clock in Creepy Man's office. Since they can't use Tosh's equations, he decides it would be a good idea to just throw the Rift open and see what happens, thus possibly rescuing Jack and Toshand Diane. Ianto is not down with this plan.
Of course, to use the Rift Manipulator, you obviously need the Rift Manipulator Instruction Manual, which is locked in a safe to protect it from rogue Torchwood employees with Bad Plans. This would have been slightly more effective at deterring said rogue employees and Bad Plans if Jack had not, in fact, WRITTEN DOWN ALL HIS PASSWORDS AND STUCK THEM IN HIS DESK. SO MUCH SECURITY FAIL.
Owen insists "this isn't some random act of madness!"while laughing maniacally and screaming "I'LL SHOW THEM! I'LL SHOW THEM ALL!!!!!!" Ianto insists that the situation is INCREDIBLY SUSPICIOUS and that they're not supposed to play with the Rift, ever. Given that 1) they've just discovered equations with important information deliberately scraped out, yet otherwise untouched in 60 years, 2) there's a Creepy Man who is apparently alive in both 1941 AND whatever year Torchwood takes place in, and 3) they just HAPPENED to discover the missing piece to their Rift Manipulator in Creepy Man's office, I'm gonna have to go with Ianto on this one. Also, he keeps shouting things like "CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION!!!!!" which should convince anyone due to sheer amusement factor.
Owen, however, pulls rank and is all STFU, N00B!:
OWEN: You're just a teaboy who's shagging the boss!
IANTO: I'm more than just that!
Yes, he's a teaboy with a GUN. When Owen goes to open the Rift, Ianto shoots him in the shoulder. HURRAH!
It doesn't actually, you know, STOP Owen from opening the Rift, but it's the thought that counts. WIN. Also, apparently Torchwood has a COLD STORAGE! department. Huh.
Back in 1941, Other Jack gets over his issues about being illegally gay and probably dying in the morning and returns just in time to share a farewell dance and kiss with Jack before he and ToshGO INTO THE LIGHT! disappear back through the Rift.
MY CAPTAIN IS PASTEDE ON YAY!
Finally, everyone is reunited in modern-day Cardiff. Owen bitches about getting shot while removing the bullet from his own shoulder, which, heh.
OWEN: Lucky you're such a crap shot.
IANTO: I was AIMING for your shoulder.
Jack recovers from angsting over his dead namesake long enough to tell Owen off for fooling around with the Rift, and hopes that nothing bad will happen because of it. What, Torchwood cause massive CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION by meddling with things they don't understand? NEVER.
THE END.
The Fail Scale
FAIL:
- GET A PEN FAIL
- Password protection FAIL
WIN:
- Other Jack
- OWEN GETS SHOT BY IANTO
- "What, we spread all across the universe and... dance?"
TOTAL SCORE: 1
Death by Torchwood:
0
Captain's Blog: Appreciate the rescue, but must have a word with Owen about not poking unpredictable wormholes with sticks.
Next Episode: The return of Torchwood's greatest nemesis... Chris Chibnall.
The Torchwood: EPIC FAIL Project Table o' Contents!
Episode 12: "Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun!" aka "Captain Jack Harkness"
Another good episode! One could almost think that they have stopped the deluge of FAIL! Of course, one would be wrong, but at least this episode lets you treasure the illusion.
Jack commandeers Tosh on her way to her grandfather's birthday party into investigating a derelict dance hall, where there have been lots of reports about mysterious music. Jack reminisces about the dances during WWII and swings Tosh around, which is super-cute. There's a lot of nawwwwwwwww-worthy dancing in this episode, which WINS quite a bit.
They don't find anything unusual until they too hear the music, and then wander into a 1941 "Kiss the Boys Goodbye" dance. Both of them are all "Ohh, neato!" until they realize they're now stuck in 1941. Oops.
Back at the Hub, the entire universe has apparently decided to make Owen sleep on the couch.
Ianto notices that Tosh's Rift monitor is doing stuff and tries to call her, eventually realizing that she and Jack are mysteriously out of contact. Owen fools around with Tosh's Rift math programmy things and realizes there's stuff in there about the Rift activity when Diane showed up and left again. Gwen goes to check out the dance hall, but can't find anyone.
Jack, meanwhile, is pretty much unconcerned about being stuck in 1941, probably because he's been there several times already and is already dressed for the occasion. He tells Tosh they need to blend in, so of course 5 minutes later he's gotten into a fight, which gets broken up by a dashing young American volunteer Air Force captain named... Jack Harkness. WAH WAH WAH.
They get ambushed by creepy caretaker man, who takes a picture with them.
L to R: Captain Jack Harkness, Creepy Caretaker Man, Creepy Caretaker Man's Cravat, Captain Jack Harkness, Very Confused Tosh
Creepy caretaker man's name is Bilis Manger, but since I am upset his name is not an anagram of "Salami Binger" (or of anything, really) he shall henceforward be referred to as Creepy Man. It is a nice cravat though.
"A cravat is the apotheosis of all neckware." - The Scarlet Pimpernel
Meanwhile, in THE FUTURE! Ianto and Owen find the aforementioned picture and cunningly deduce that Jack and Tosh are stuck in 1941, and Ianto does some ACTING! Back in WWII, Tosh is all "WTF you have the same name!" and Jack cops to kleptoing the name ("It's not my name — it's his. I took his. But I didn't realize he was so hot!"), but still doesn't explain anything, because Torchwood would probably implode if they actually told us anything relevant about Jack's backstory.
Tosh mentions that she's got half her equations for the Rift program thingy in her laptop, and if they communicate them to modern day Torchwood, they might be able to get back. They borrow Creepy Man's office to do this (for some reason, Tosh's laptop feels the need to announce "LOW BATTERY! LOW BATTERY!" and obscure the entire screen, which seems to be a fairly large design flaw in situations like this) but Creepy Man comes back and is all passive aggressive at them, so they leave. He pulls out a drawer with a file marked "Torchwood", and reveals that he has teenage girl writing.
Not pictured: Pages of doodles with "I <3 Captain Jack", "Captain and Mrs. Jack Harkness", "Creepy Man + Jack 4EVA", "He thinks my cravat is sexy", etc.
Meanwhile, in THE FUTURE! Gwen runs into the very same Creepy Man, who offers to help her look for her friends. THE PLOT THICKENS! Also, apparently we should VOTE SAXON.
In the Hub, Owen is all about using the Rift Manipulator to rescue Jack and Tosh
Tosh commandeers a soldier to give her meteorological info for her equations, and Jack chats up the Other Jack (who is awesome and full of WIN). They bond over the war and stuff, and Jack feels bad because Other Jack is totally going to die tomorrow, whereupon Jack from the DW episodes "The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances" will steal his name and falsify his records. I hope you've got that straight.
Other Jack's girlfriend drops by and they are awkward at each other, and this is not helped much by Jack going OMG KISS HER GOODBYE!!1!! Other Jack caves and does just that, and gf tells him she loves him. This seems to piss Other Jack off, so he yells at Jack, which to say the least is not the normal reaction to declarations of love from people who are not stalkers.
Meanwhile, in THE FUTURE! Team Torchwood figure out that Creepy Man was also in 1941 and is thus officially dodgy.
Meanwhile meanwhile, the Jacks talk about war some more, as Jack tells Other Jack it's okay to be scared out of your wits that you might die at any moment, like tomorrow. Also, he reveals that he shipped off to war when he was young and got his best friend killed "by the worst possible creatures you can imagine," and while this isn't really RELEVANT backstory, it's nice to find out that Jack has SOME backstory and did not spring fully formed from a stolen Chula warship.
Tosh in the meantime has figured out all the appropriate TV math, but needs to find some way to write it down so that it'll last for 60+ years. She does this by stealing Creepy Man's dodgy anachronistic polaroid, since "pencil will fade!" What, nobody has a PEN? FAIL. She hides part of the equations in a breaker box, or something, but realizes she cut off part of the equation on her second picture, and the air raid siren goes off before she can fix it. Inside, she finishes the equation on the back of the picture in her OWN BLOOD, which is totally hardcore, but seriously, NO ONE has a pen?
Torchwood: Communication by tetanus!
The Jacks are still busy exchanging manly soulful glances, while Jack urges Other Jack to GET LAID WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!1! Unfortunately, Other Jack has to go comfort his pilots, or something, and the moment for Captain Jack Harkness/Captain Jack Harkness is lost.
Meanwhile, in THE FUTURE! Gwen finds the first part of Tosh's equations, but can't locate the second half. Owen goes to help her look and finds the other photograph, but critical numbers have been scratched out of her message written in blooooooooood. OH NOES! Conveniently, he also discovers the missing piece of the Rift Manipulator in a clock in Creepy Man's office. Since they can't use Tosh's equations, he decides it would be a good idea to just throw the Rift open and see what happens, thus possibly rescuing Jack and Tosh
Of course, to use the Rift Manipulator, you obviously need the Rift Manipulator Instruction Manual, which is locked in a safe to protect it from rogue Torchwood employees with Bad Plans. This would have been slightly more effective at deterring said rogue employees and Bad Plans if Jack had not, in fact, WRITTEN DOWN ALL HIS PASSWORDS AND STUCK THEM IN HIS DESK. SO MUCH SECURITY FAIL.
Owen insists "this isn't some random act of madness!"
Owen, however, pulls rank and is all STFU, N00B!:
OWEN: You're just a teaboy who's shagging the boss!
IANTO: I'm more than just that!
Yes, he's a teaboy with a GUN. When Owen goes to open the Rift, Ianto shoots him in the shoulder. HURRAH!
It doesn't actually, you know, STOP Owen from opening the Rift, but it's the thought that counts. WIN. Also, apparently Torchwood has a COLD STORAGE! department. Huh.
Back in 1941, Other Jack gets over his issues about being illegally gay and probably dying in the morning and returns just in time to share a farewell dance and kiss with Jack before he and Tosh
MY CAPTAIN IS PASTEDE ON YAY!
Finally, everyone is reunited in modern-day Cardiff. Owen bitches about getting shot while removing the bullet from his own shoulder, which, heh.
OWEN: Lucky you're such a crap shot.
IANTO: I was AIMING for your shoulder.
Jack recovers from angsting over his dead namesake long enough to tell Owen off for fooling around with the Rift, and hopes that nothing bad will happen because of it. What, Torchwood cause massive CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION by meddling with things they don't understand? NEVER.
THE END.
The Fail Scale
FAIL:
- GET A PEN FAIL
- Password protection FAIL
WIN:
- Other Jack
- OWEN GETS SHOT BY IANTO
- "What, we spread all across the universe and... dance?"
TOTAL SCORE: 1
Death by Torchwood:
0
Captain's Blog: Appreciate the rescue, but must have a word with Owen about not poking unpredictable wormholes with sticks.
Next Episode: The return of Torchwood's greatest nemesis... Chris Chibnall.
The Torchwood: EPIC FAIL Project Table o' Contents!
no subject
(Er, which is to say, also here through
no subject
Er, also - another awesome recap. This would be
no subject
no subject
It makes me estatically happy that they make actual sense and aren't boring conglomerations of the rambly sentences of DOOM. I'm glad you enjoyed them!
no subject
These are FANTASTIC and I am enjoying them so much. :D However, I feel the need to point out that 'Bilis Manger' is, in fact, an anagram! For two things!
'Grim Alien BS' is one. The other, perhaps more Turchwad appropriate, is 'Grim Lesbian'. :D
... No, I totally didn't spend half a hour trying to find appropriate anagrams out of his name when the episode aired. Of course not. Why would you say such a thing?
no subject
no subject
no subject