shadydave: (do not taunt the octopus)
Today the Mary Sue is featuring The Ten Most Successful Failures in Geekdom, and you will never guess who made the list!

I can only assume the factual errors in the first paragraph (Torchwood STARTED the Battle of Canary Wharf; Torchwood 3 has been around and failing for at least 100 years...) are a spirited attempt at solidarity. Also, it's kind of hilarious they only have examples from the first eight episodes or so. What, the time Torchwood BROKE THE RIFT, started an apocalypse, and released a ten-story demon in the middle of Cardiff wasn't worthy of inclusion? And that's only the first series!

Torchwood can out-fail anyone.
shadydave: (Default)
So, once upon a time, I decided to help out the cross-section of my friends who 1) watched Doctor Who and 2) had actual standards like "not sucking" for what TV shows they watched by recapping Torchwood Series One. (For those who haven't been paying attention, or who repressed all memories of s1 after watching "Cyberwoman", Torchwood chronicles the exploits of Captain Jack Harkness -- lady's man, man's man, man about town -- and his team, whose job of "tracking down alien life on Earth" and "arming the human race against the future" while monitoring the Rift in time and space that runs through Cardiff somehow translates to "making poor life choices" and "unleashing alien terror upon the unsuspecting populace" with upsetting regularity.)

I was going to stop there, for lo, I beheld Series Two and thought it awesome. Which it is, to be sure, but upon closer examination, I determined that this was not because Torchwood stopped failing, but because it started winning enough to counteract the FAIL that still lurked beneath the surface as stealthily as Torchwood themselves -- in other words, not very. And so, dear readers, Torchwood: EPIC FAIL will return... in THUNDERBALL! at some point, hopefully before the new series comes out! And since that's apparently not until THE SUMMER WTF I suspect that probability is in my favor!

Of course, part of Torchwood's... charm is that fairly critical backstory likes to happen in other shows, whereupon it is vaguely alluded to but not actually explained on Torchwood itself. (I have thus been forced to speculate that Torchwood may actually be allergic to backstory, and its appearance will cause the entire show to go into shock which explains the s2 finale.)

This being the case, I feel obligated to recap the Doctor Who Series Three finale for completeness' sake, since it has Torchwood backstory up the wazoo. (Not literally.)

(I hope.)

So, please enjoy this brief interruption to your irregularly scheduled programming!

Previously on Doctor Who... )

The Torchwood: EPIC FAIL Project Table o' Contents!
shadydave: (Default)
My friends, we have reached the end of an era. An era of FAIL, but an era nevertheless.

Torchwood, Series One: The EPIC FAIL Project

Episode 13: It's the end of the FAIL as we know it )

The Torchwood: EPIC FAIL Project Table o' Contents!
shadydave: (Default)
Torchwood, Series One: The EPIC FAIL Project

Episode 12: The apotheosis of all neckware )

The Torchwood: EPIC FAIL Project Table o' Contents!
shadydave: (DEEP HURTING!)
So, to get in the spirit of things, I kinda failed and didn't rewatch this one. Sorry. But at least it has pictures! Well, 2 pictures. Of someone else's pictures. Let's pretend the recursion is an homage to "Castrovalva".

Torchwood, Series One: The EPIC FAIL Project

Episode 9: Random Shoes Are Random )

The Torchwood: EPIC FAIL Project Table o' Contents!
shadydave: (Default)
This one doesn't have pictures, sorry. The one problem with Torchwood's decent episodes is that there's less to point and laugh at. But don't worry, this too shall pass.

Torchwood, Series One: The EPIC FAIL Project

Episode 8: Because I could not stop for FAIL / It kindly stopped for me )

The Torchwood: EPIC FAIL Project Table o' Contents!
shadydave: (DEEP HURTING!)
Because I know you're all just pining away for another update.

Torchwood, Series One: The EPIC FAIL Project

Episode 7: With great FAIL comes great responsibility )

The Torchwood: EPIC FAIL Project Table o' Contents!
shadydave: (DEEP HURTING!)
Torchwood, Series One: The EPIC FAIL Project

ETA: By request, now with more pictures!

Episode 5: FAIRIES )

The Torchwood: EPIC FAIL Project Table o' Contents!
shadydave: (DEEP HURTING!)
CURSE YOU INTERNETS, I WAS TRYING TO EDIT THIS. Ahem.

Anyways, it has become apparent to me that several of you quite enjoy Doctor Who, which is of course right and proper. However, this may lead to the urge to watch Torchwood, the spin-off starring everyone's favorite bisexual adventurer of space and time, Captain Jack Harkness. However, there is one small problem with this: Torchwood, Series One, isn't actually very good. It certainly has its moments, but since they tend to occur in the midst of things like "logic" and "good writing" wandering off to other TV shows where they are more appreciated, this can be very frustrating. Basically, Torchwood has a wee problem in that it consistently fails on some level at least once an episode.

However, I have discovered an interesting phenomenon, which is that Torchwood sounds 100% more awesome when someone tells you about it, versus actually watching it yourself. Thus, in the interest of taking one for the team, I present Torchwood, Series One: The EPIC FAIL Project. Now you can enjoy Torchwood in all of its cracked out glory without actually being exposed to its failure at television, all in the comfort of your own home! Handily included are the Fail Scale (which calculates each episode's score by subtracting instances of FAIL from moments of WIN), Death By Torchwood (which records Torchwood's unfortunate tendency to cause the death of countless thousands merely by existing), and a link to the Captain's blog, BBC America's recap of each episode, which is notable for usually being more awesome than the actual episode.

So, in case you wanted to stay up-to-date on Doctor Who or watch Torchwood, Series Two (which is much more awesome), click away!

Torchwood, Series One: The EPIC FAIL Project

Episode 1: RTD's worst pilot ever? Or RTD's WORST PILOT EVER? )

The Torchwood: EPIC FAIL Project Table o' Contents!
shadydave: (DEEP HURTING!)
Look, a table of contents!

Torchwood: The EPIC FAIL Project

Series 1 )

EPIC FAIL Road Trip: Doctor Who )

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December 2012

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